


Spiralling

by Outdoorsy



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sports, Angst, Competition, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Skating, Injury, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23719108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outdoorsy/pseuds/Outdoorsy
Summary: Moving back to Japan had been Matsumoto Jun's last way of coping. He now starts training at a new rink and accidentally at the same rink as Sakurai Sho, one of Japan's finest figure skaters he had always admired. Ninomiya Kazunari is facing a difficult decision and it's not helped by him falling in love with his trainer, Aiba Masaki. Aiba Masaki became Japan's favourite figure skater. Not by skill but by accident- quite literally. Sakurai Sho is facing difficult decisions his family is forcing him to make and it's cleary not helped by the arrival of one of the most beautiful persons he had ever seen. Ohno Satoshi is trying to keep sane in an environment not made for humans but machines.Ice skating AU
Relationships: Aiba Masaki/Ninomiya Kazunari, Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 28
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Jun

With the tip of his finger Jun slowly poked the blister that was forming on his heel. He should have known better than this, but all he had wanted was to start off on a clean slate and making the ice the canvas to paint his new story. But changing ice skates, rink, team, city and country at the same time might prove to be too much. At least he could say so for his feet. Turning to his other foot the massaged the joints of his toes. If he was lucky a bit of ice would do the trick, if not a bit of ibuprofen would make sure that he could skate tomorrow. He had been so focused on his feet that he hadn’t even noticed another person entering the changing room until that person spoke.

"Your footwork was sloppy and the jumps half-hearted." Bewildered Jun looked up only to come face to face with Sakurai Sho. THE Sakurai Sho whom he had admired ever since he had started figure skating. In the flesh he looked even more perfect, his eyes a warm brown colour, his lips plump and very much kissable and now Jun’s eyes were wandering down his body, taking in the whole beauty of Sakurai’s perfect figure, the toned muscles running down his torso, his gorgeous behind, his slender legs.

But apart from his rude comment it seemed like Sakurai was done talking with him and Jun couldn’t tell which emotion was winning- the shame about Sakurai seeing his sloppy skating, the anger about being called out or the awe that he was in the same room as his idol. In his mind he cursed Nino for not telling him that Sakurai trained at the same rink.

It had been his friend who convinced him to change to his rink after clashing with his coach and almost quitting figure skating as a whole. It had only been after a lengthy discussion on the phone involving a lot of alcohol that his friend had convinced him to cut his ties in America and move back to Tokyo. And during the 6-hour phone call Nino had not even mentioned once that Sakurai was training at the same facilities. Jun was not entirely certain how to react. Sakurai had his back turned to him while he changed into his training clothes and he didn’t even look at Jun when he left the changing room. With a sigh Jun returned his gaze to his feet. They were already starting to bruise, so maybe it was time to take some ibuprofen before moving over to the ballet room for practice off the ice.

He pulled out his ballet slippers. Those he hadn’t replaced. They had been perfectly fine and his bank account had already hit rock bottom after moving to Tokyo. For his first day at the rink he hadn’t even met his new coach. Ohno-sensei had messaged him that he was out of the city for a few days and that his assistant Aiba would be there, if he needed any help. After all he still had to get used to the new training facilities. Thankfully his apartment was only a few blocks away, so he didn’t have to face a long commute to work before starting with his first lesson at around 7. He had started with a session of stretching and light muscle exercises before he spent the reminder of the morning on the ice. By now he could slowly feel his hunger he had suppressed resurface, so maybe it was time to find some food before going to search for the ballet room.

With a sigh Jun got up and winced slightly at the pain in his feet. He really should have known better. After all his lack of self-preservation had been one of the topics in the falling out he had had with his last coach. Since he had only just moved back to Japan he hadn’t had the chance to cook, so all he was hoping for was that the cafeteria would have decent and healthy food. That had always been an issue in America. One should think that they’d have healthy food at a sport facility used by all levels of professional figure skaters, but no- fries really didn’t count as healthy in his opinion.

While he made his way out of the changing room, he pulled out his smartphone to check for any missed messages. He knew he should have texted Nino on when he was going to start training, but had completely forgotten about it in the chaos that had been his last few days. Gossip spread quickly in places like this so he hoped he could be the first to tell Nino before someone told him of the new guy. He had 3 missed calls, but none from Nino and with a sigh he pushed away the notifications and dialled Nino‘s number. He was close to hanging up as soon as he had done so. Maybe Nino was busy with his own training. Maybe he was already annoyed with Jun for always and only confiding in him. Maybe...

"Jun-kun? What’s wrong?" It was kinda worrying how Nino assumed right away that something had to be wrong for Jun to call him.

"Nothing is wrong..." Jun trailed off, trying to find the right words. He really should have called Nino earlier and told him about starting training today. "Do you want to grab some lunch?“ He finally blurted out. There was a small pause as Nino obviously shifted the phone to his other ear. "Sorry, I’m still at the rink, so I’ll just grab a bite at the cafeteria here. Maybe tonight?"

"I’m there. No, I mean I’m here. As in at the rink." Jun was glad that Nino couldn’t see the blush blooming on his cheeks.

"Oh." Nino paused again and Jun felt his anxiety skyrocket. "Sure." The casual tone made Jun’s heart plummet. He was so in for a proper scolding. Nino was not the one to let this go.

"I’ll meet you at the cafeteria in ten." Jun pocketed his phone again. He hadn’t paid attention while talking to Nino and was not entirely certain where he was right now, and of course he had no idea where to find the cafeteria. He was only certain of one thing- it was not here. He was standing in a long corridor leading up to a locked door and while this was clearly not the cafeteria, he hoped he might find someone to ask for directions. After knocking and receiving no answer Jun pushed open the door and was momentarily engulfed by a stream of cold air before he stepped into the room and onto the stands of the rink. Looking down he could see a single person skating, twirling intricate circles on the ice before launching themselves up in the air and landing a perfect triple toeloop. He had seen that style, he knew the graceful elegance with how that person held themselves. Jun found himself losing track of the time while he watched Sakurai Sho work on what was clearly his new choreography.

Only the shrill ringing of his phone snapped him out of his daze and anxiously he patted down his pockets to locate the source of the loud noise. Down on the ice Sakurai had stopped and was staring up at the stands angrily, clearly annoyed with the interruption and Jun only shrunk back further into the shadows, one had searching for the door handle, while he answered his phone with the other hand. The last he could see was the piercing stare of Sakurai who had finally located the intruder, before he stepped out and slammed the door close.

"Nino?" He asked.

"J, where are you?" Jun glanced at his watch and froze. He had spent over 15 minutes watching Sakurai and had completely forgotten about their lunch date.

"Sorry, I got lost. I can't find the cafeteria." He admitted in a low voice. Of course he would never admit that he also got distracted by watching a certain figure skater.

Nino released an audible sigh before replying. "Where are you now?"

"I'm not sure. The door behind me leads to the stands."

If Jun could have seen him, he would have been sure that Nino had just facepalmed. In a gentle- too gentle- voice he described the way to Jun.

When Jun finally reached the cafeteria, a small room with big windows, Nino was already waiting for him. He was not paying attention to his surroundings while he was tapping on his phone in a speed Jun deemed inhumane. Next to him a taller guy leaning heavily on crutches was trying to talk to him, but Jun knew how easily Nino got distracted with his games. Uncertain whether he should interrupt Jun stepped closer until he was standing right in front of Nino, who acknowledged him with a small grunt. The tall guy next to him looked up and beamed at Jun, showing a lot of teeth and held out a hand.

"You must be Matsumoto-kun!" Timidly Jun bowed, ignoring the outstretched hand. "I am."

"I'm Aiba Masaki, Ohno-sensei's assistant."

He had known Aiba from various magazines. He had been featured by a few sports magazines throughout the years, but the most prominent story was the one on his accident. Jun winced in sympathy. It must suck to always be in the middle range, mostly ignored to suddenly gain popularity only when a drunken guy ran him over. Suddenly a lot of magazines had declared Aiba the hope of figure skating in Japan and basically published mortuaries of his skating career. He hadn't known that it was the same person as the Aiba Ohno-sensei had named as his substitute.

Without further ado Aiba poked Nino with one of his crutches. "Let's sit down. Are you ok? You were limping earlier?"

His voice had taken on a worried undertone and Jun couldn't help but wonder how nice of a person he had to be to worry more about Jun when he was clearly the one who should sit down.

Jun nodded in reply and added. "I got new skates and my heel clearly didn't agree with them." He needed to make sure that Aiba didn't see him as fragile and not able to withstand stress. In horror he remembered the faces lined with pity that had stared at him as he had left his last rink.

"Don't overdo it on your first day back on ice." Aiba smiled warmly as he guided them to a table in the corner of the cafeteria.

By now Nino had finished the game on his phone and was finally paying attention to his surroundings. The smug smile on his face told Jun he now had to prepare for the scolding he was clearly in for.

"So, Jun-kun, how comes that you're that busy that you can't even send your best friend a simple one-liner like 'I'll come by on...'?"

Immediately Jun felt his face heat up and tried to avert his gaze, but to no avail. He knew that if he looked up now Nino would still be staring at him like that.

"I was really busy..." He trailed off. "I had to move into my new apartment and get everything set up." It all sounded like lame excuses, especially as Nino rebuffed. "I would have helped you, if you would have said anything."

While Nino was not a person to go out a lot Jun knew that his words were true. He could also tell that beneath his smooth smile Nino was seriously upset. If he was being totally honest, he had also taken this as a sort of self-punishment and not allowed anyone to be involved, but he would not tell the others that, so in the end he just sighed. "I am really sorry!" It sounded lame, but it was the best he could do.

It was Aiba who broke the following challenge.

"Let's get food!" He smiled and got back up again. With a hiss Nino turned his attention from Jun to Aiba. "I'll get your food. What do you want?"

Aiba looked away and laughed. "I'm not some kind of invalid."

With a poignant look Nino pointed at the crutches. "Those tell a different story."

Jun was watching the bantering in awe. Both acted as if they had known each other for years and Jun wondered how much he had missed in the last years due to being too caught up in his own life. It was true- he had turned to Nino whenever he needed advice, but had never offered anything in return. He hadn't even asked and it made his chest hurt to think how good of a person he had to be to still be friends with him.

While Aiba, still laughing, sat back down, Jun followed Nino over to the counter. The cafeteria offered a variety of meals, most of which looked extremely unhealthy. While Nino took a plate with spaghetti and one with a hamburger and carried them over to the cashier Jun took a bit longer to decide. In the end he settled on a sad looking salad. The leaves were already turning brown and it was covered in an unhealthy amount of dressing, but at least it had a few vitamins.

When he returned to their table, Nino cast a disapproving glance at Jun’s salad before returning his attention to his hamburger. Aiba had not even started eating, when he suddenly jumped up and started waving. Jun was seated with his back to the entrance so he turned around to see who Aiba had spotted. He froze- Sakurai Sho was making his way over to their table. Before Jun could make a run for it, Aiba had grabbed his arm, as if he had noticed how fidgety Jun was getting as he watched Sakurai approach the table. Sure, Sakurai had been his star, but now, as he saw him in the flesh Jun was not sure how to react. He had imagined their first meeting over and over again. Him telling Sakurai that he was a big fan and Sakurai responding, that he had kept close watch on him, as he had proven to be a rising star (which he honestly wasn’t, but one could dream), but his first meeting had been quite disappointing and Jun was not sure if he could take more of real Sakurai proving to him how different he was from dream Sakurai.

“Sho-chan! Meet Jun-chan, he just started training here.”

Sakurai mustered him with a disapproving glance while Jun slowly bowed. “Matsumoto Jun, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

To Jun’s surprise he responded in a perfectly polite way. “Sakurai Sho, the pleasure is mine. I hope you will settle in well.”

Before Jun could answer Sakurai turned away and started inquiring about Aiba’s injuries. Jun kept his gaze averted, hoping that no one could see the blush that was tinging his cheeks a light pink.

“Ow!” Jun exclaimed in shock when something sharp hit him under the table and looked up in bewilderment to identify the source of the sudden pain. Nino sent him a smug smile, but it was Aiba, who spoke. “Are you ok? Do your feet still hurt?” He looked genuinely worried. Sakurai was watching him like a hawk and Jun was starting to feel incredibly uncomfortable.

“I…It’s fine. I have to get back to training.” He jumped up and managed to throw over his chair in the progress. The loud bang made everyone look his direction, but before anyone could react Jun had bolted. Great first impression. And here he had been hoping for a fresh start without further difficulties.

Nino located him in one of the ballet rooms where he was practicing on the bar. He had decided that his blistered and bruised feet would thank him if he didn’t go right for the jumps. Without saying a word Nino crossed the room and handed Jun a rice ball. “Eat. You need it and you suck at it.”

Jun knew that there was no way around it. Maybe he had been stupid to tell Nino everything about his falling out, but now he had to live with the consequences. After all Nino had been the one to get him out of this slump. With a sigh Jun sat down on the floor, folding his legs and took a bite. The familiar sour taste of umeboshi filled his mouth and threatened to overwhelm him. It had been so long since he had eaten proper Japanese food that he had almost forgotten the taste. Only when he had finished of the entire rice ball Nino spoke again.

“Are you ok?” His voice was tinged with worry. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sho-chan. I was afraid him training at the same place would intimidate you.”

Nino had settled on the floor next to him. He had taken out his phone, but now looked at Jun directly.

Jun sighed and finally smiled. “I’m ok. It’s just a bit much. I’m sorry I didn’t message you.”

“It’s fine.” Nino shot him a weary grin. “I know it is. Just let me know if you need help and if you’re willing to accept it.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Nino

A notification blocked his view on the game he was playing and Nino sighed in exasperation. Before he could even correct the mistake, he had made, a second message popped up.

_Nino!!!! Stop ignoring me._

Right, he had ignored the 12 messages before that and had decided on also ignoring this one when suddenly his phone started ringing. By now his game was inevitably a lost cause, so with a sigh he answered.

“Aiba-shi, what’s wrong?” Without noticing his tone had taken a soft tinge and he was smiling lightly. He would of course never admit this to Aiba.

“Why did you ignore me?” Aiba whined. He didn’t sound upset or hurt at all and Nino couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at the voice of his friend. In a seemingly upset tone he answered. “Because I was gaming and you made me lose this round.”

In the past there would have been days where he would have just cut the line there and then but recently, he found himself enjoying the phone calls with Aiba. It was a good change to the phone calls he usually held with Jun. If he was being honest, he had to admit that he was not quite sure if it had been a good idea to ask Jun to return to Tokyo, but he would never talk to anyone about it. But then he worried too much and having Jun right there gave him at least the illusion of being able to do something. Aiba’s answer brought him back to reality. “I’m sorry.” He sounded a bit uneasy and Nino almost felt sorry for snapping.

“It’s fine.” He took a small breath before continuing. “So, what’s up?”

Aiba was not someone to stick to formalities, so he started right away. “Your friend, Matsumoto-kun, is he ok?”

It had been foolish of him to believe that no one would notice how nervous Jun got when faced with a lot of new people. And it was so much like Aiba not to ask what was wrong with him but rather if he was ok. Nino took a deep breath and resettled on the sofa before answering. “He is ok. He just gets a bit nervous around new people.” Aiba cooed and Nino almost slapped himself into the face with his phone. Rather than finding it weird Aiba seemed to find it cute. To his surprise Nino felt a slight tinge of jealousy surge through his veins.

“Didn’t Ohno-sensei ask you to train him?” Nino asked and rubbed his lower back. It was almost as if the jealousy had decided to settle down there, leaving a dull ache. He was being stupid- of course it wasn’t, he had probably just done a wrong twist when he fell earlier that day.

“He did!” Aiba confirmed and Nino felt the warmth of his smile through the phone. “My very first own trainee!” Aiba laughed. “I saw a few of his performances and he is good, but they suddenly stop around this time last year, what happened?”

While there was nothing Nino wanted more than to confide in Aiba, he stopped himself. It had taken him months to get Jun to tell him and he wasn’t sure how he’d take it if he told his new coach right away.

“He had a falling out with his coach. Let him tell you the rest.” That was all he was going to say. To change the topic, he asked. “How is your leg doing? And your chest?”

“I just had an appointment with my physiotherapist and he said that I could ditch the crutches soon. It will still take me some time until I’ll be back on the ice though.” Aiba’s voice had taken on a sad undertone and Nino immediately regretted reminding him of his misfortune. But before he could apologize, Aiba continued. “But as long as I can get Jun-chan to skate for me, all will be fine!” For a short moment Nino hated and loved Jun at the same time.

“Speaking of him again, why did he react so weird when Sho-chan showed up?” Nino had not been sure on how much further he wanted to discuss Jun’s past, but this was a topic he was very willing to talk about. He pulled up his legs and switched the phone to his right hand.

“It’s good that you ask…”

When Nino woke the next morning, he felt the familiar ache of having done an intense workout the prior day. For a second he kept his eyes close and tried to will the pain away while recalling the dream he had had, but to no avail. It had been a good dream, but now it was hidden beneath the fog of his subconsciousness and in frustration Nino sat up, shrugging off the blanket. Warm sunrays were painting an intricate pattern on his blanket and reminded him that it was already way too late for breakfast. He would just stop at a convenience store on the way to the rink, but his phone call with Aiba had taken almost three hours as they discussed elaborate plots to get Jun closer to Sho in the smallest detail and it had certainly not helped that at some point he had poured himself a glass of whiskey (or three). In the end Aiba had fallen asleep on the phone and thinking back Nino smiled fondly. He got up, threw on his training clothes and hurried over to the bathroom to get ready.

Ohno-sensei was only going to return the next day, so Nino had decided to do some light training on ice and then a long running session. He didn’t really enjoy running, but it was a key factor to being able to skate for almost five minutes like he had to in his free skate. For the afternoon Aiba had offered to observe his training for the newest choreography and in the evening, he was going to meet with a potential new sponsor. And in between he would try to find Jun.

In the end finding Jun wasn’t really difficult. Nino ran into him when he was about to enter the changing room. Jun looked like he had barely slept and was dressed in a nice shirt and a pair of blue jeans- not really the attire for skating.

“Sorry, I’m already late!” Jun called over his shoulder before he broke out into a small run. Shaking his head slightly Nino settled down on one of the benches and got out his pair of skates. He carefully pulled off the soft cover and checked the edges before replacing it with a hard cover and wiggling into the skates. The still material was shaped exactly like his foot and fit like a glove. It was the small things, Nino thought, as he got up and stretched his hands above his head. His lower back gave a small twinge as if to remind him that he shouldn’t overdo it. As he was about to leave the room his phone pinged and he opened the message immediately. As expected, it was from Jun.

_Sorry for earlier, I have a job interview in five minutes and had to rush to get there in time. Enjoy training!_

Right, Jun didn’t have any sponsors yet, after losing all those who supported him in the last years. The fees for training sessions were quite high, even though Jun was getting a discount as Aiba rather than Ohno-sensei was in charge. Without sponsors or price money it could be incredibly difficult to keep going. Jun hadn’t told him anything about this job, but maybe he wanted to find one first and Nino could understand that- there was nothing much more painful than repeatedly telling people about the own misfortune in finding a job.

_Good luck!_

Nino put the phone back in his bag, stretched once again and made his way over to the rink. A few skaters were drawing circles on the ice and once in a while one would try a jump. He bent down and took off the hard covers of his skates and stepped onto the ice. The song that was playing at the moment was the one Sho was using for his current program and Nino stopped momentarily, searching for the familiar figure on ice. Though there were a lot of talented people in this club, Sho’s style was distinct and very refined, compared to some of the others. A few younger skaters had made their way to the sides as soon as Sho’s song started playing and were now watching intently. Nino had seen the start of the program a few times to he didn’t join the chorus of cheer as Sho landed a quadruple Lutz. It was supposed to be a triple, but he guessed Sho wanted to show off. Too bad that Jun wasn’t there. By now all the skaters that had been previously scattered across the ice had made way for Sho to skate. Nino wondered what it must feel like to be this famous even within the own club. Still, he watched contently as Sho drew a complicated pattern on the ice before launching into another jump. This time his hand touched the ice and a few juniors couldn’t control their sounds of disappointment. Sho ignored them, concentrating on the program before he stopped about halfway through. Nino knew that this was as far as he had choreographed it yet and while he was sure that Sho had an idea how he wanted to continue, he would probably talk with Ohno-sensei first before skating it in front of other skaters.

Joining the people flocking back onto the ice, Nino followed, drawing a few neat lines to get used to the feeling once again and started with a few simple exercises. He got lost in his skating and soon enough started with simple jumps, but before he could start practicing on the quadruple Salchow, he had been practicing lately, a siren rang and Nino noticed that he was the only one left on the ice. The guy sitting on the ice resurfacer was waiting for him and with a small bow to apologize Nino skated to the side and stepped off the ice, swiftly covering the blades of his skates again.

“You need to focus more on the take off than the landing.” Nino hadn’t even noticed Sho who was standing next to him, leaning on the barrier of the rink. With a cheeky grin he answered. “Thanks, sensei.” Sho had the annoying habit to offer his advice to anyone, no matter whether they asked for it. It could seem quite arrogant, but Nino knew that this was his way of showing respect to other skaters.

“Where is your new friend?” Sho asked as he turned to face Nino directly. So at least he had noticed Jun, Nino thought and had to suppress a grin when he thought back to the plans, he and Aiba had made the previous evening.

“He has a job interview so he had to leave early. He’ll probably be back by noon. Why?”

Sho shrugged. “It’s rare to see you become friendly with strangers so quickly.”

“Oh!” Nino laughed. “We’ve been friends for a very long time. He trained in America until last year, but I convinced him to come back to Japan. It’s unusual for you to notice new skaters.” He added.

Sho had started avoiding his gaze and Nino silently congratulated himself, already planning on spending a nice lunch break gossiping with Aiba. “He’s ok, I guess.” Sho shrugged again. “But he interrupted my private session yesterday.” The giddy excitement that Sho might find Jun hot ebbed away and silently Nino apologized for his friend. Just as Sho was about to step back onto the freshly made ice, he added. “But he’s hot.” He winked at Sho who started blushing furiously. Bingo.

Sho’s skating certainly didn’t improve after this and Nino once again congratulated himself (and Aiba) for his sixth sense. Sho had never been someone to talk about relationships with them, but he had also never told them about a girlfriend. It had taken Nino less than a month to figure out that Sho was gay, but he would certainly never tell anyone. Sho’s family was more of the conservative kind, his younger siblings already married and Nino was quite certain that his parents were already pressuring him into finding a wife.

When he had finished his session for the morning Nino texted Aiba to meet him outside. Better not go to the cafeteria, after all, he needed to update him on the current status and it would not help if Sho was present at that time. Cicadas were filling the air with sound as Nino settled on a bench next to a big tree. He had bought a bento box at the convenience store and began to eat hungrily while he waited for Aiba to show up. Soon enough (Nino had just started on the yakiniku) the automatic doors of the building opened and Aiba came into view as he slowly made his way over to the bench. He had ditched one of his crutches and waved furiously with his free hand. Nino lifted his chopsticks in reply and moved over to make room for Aiba to sit down. He then returned his attention to the food and continued eating. Aiba had unwrapped a clearly homemade rice ball and was munching away happily. Finally, when they had finished eating, Aiba asked. “So, why did you ask me outside on this hot day?” He gestured to the sun that was burning down on his one shoulder relentlessly.

“I met Sho-chan this morning.” Nino grinned knowingly, his smile already spreading to Aiba. “Tell me more!”

Just when Nino was about to launch into a detailed description of Sho’s curiosity for Jun he spotted a familiar figure walking towards them. Even against the bright sun Nino could tell immediately who it was. The gait was very typical, posture upright.

“Jun-kun!” He waved. “How did the interview go?”

Jun stopped at their bench and pushed his sweaty hair from his forehead before answering. “Very well! I can start tomorrow.” He grinned and sat down as Aiba patted the bench next to him. “But the Yamanote-line stopped operation so I had to walk back.” He sighed and bent down to pull a bottle of sparkling water out of his backpack.

“Have you eaten?” Aiba asked while he started rummaging in his own backpack before presenting Jun with one of his rice balls. Jun smiled fondly as he took the food. “No, I didn’t have time, I was about to get a salad.” He gestured in the direction of the nearest convenience store. Nino shot him a sharp glare, but Jun ignored him while he unwrapped the rice ball.

When he had finished, he thanked Aiba for the food and got up again. “I’ll meet you later, Aiba-san?” He asked in a shy tone. Aiba beamed at him and nodded. “I booked the rink for 3 o’clock.”

When Jun had left Aiba turned to Nino again. “He is kinda obsessed with salads, isn’t he?” Nino laughed. It had taken Aiba two days to figure it out. “He can’t eat gluten so he kinda got stuck on salad.” Aiba’s face had taken on a worried expression and hastily Nino added. “Rice is gluten-free.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The speed with which I'll update is very dependent on the shifts I'm working- I'm in the late shift this week and usually more productive in the mornings, so updates might come faster (hence a fast update this time for everyone who need something to read before starting their Monday).  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This fic might get longer than anticipated *glances at notes*  
> Words of courage and kudos are always happily accepted :3
> 
> Btw: [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGs_vGt0MY8) is the song Sho uses


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Jun

Wedged between the door of the train and a beefy salary man Jun finally managed to wiggle out the phone in his pocket to text Nino. He hadn’t had the chance to explain where he was heading, so he felt it would be best if he explained so on his way to this interview. Having little to no funds left after moving back to Japan Jun had to find a way to improve his finances and make sure he had enough money to pay for training, so there was no other way than to find a job. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to work full time and train like a professional, but then Jun had never been one to give up. It felt a little like he had been thrown back into his beginnings as a competitive figure skater, but even then, he had had people to sponsor him. He really hoped to catch the eye of a possible sponsor soon, but until then this had to do.

After texting Nino, he glanced at his phone and once again checked the address and the name of the coffee shop he was heading to. The name was not the most creative- _Green Oasis_ , but given their wide variety of vegan and gluten-free alternatives it had been the most natural place for Jun to apply to. He had texted the owner, Oguri Shun, on his way to the airport while still in the US and had been invited for an interview just minutes later. The casual way in which the email was phrased had made him feel welcome at once, but he was slowly growing anxious while he watched the skyline of Tokyo zoom past the train. It was only two stops with the Yamanote line, but felt like an eternity. He hadn’t slept a lot the previous night and had had to get up at 5 to squeeze in some practice before his interview and it didn’t help with his nerves. In the hope to look rather sophisticated he had exchanged his contact lenses for glasses, hoping they might hide the shadows below his eyes.

Finally, his train came to stop and carried by a wave of salary men on their way to work Jun made his way through the toll gates. He opened a map of the area on his phone and after a few minutes of trying to locate the next exit he found the café in a small building almost obscured by the taller ones to the sides. The exterior looks pleasant enough, a green sign with the name of the shop in cursive yellow letters was swinging slightly in the summer breeze and as he pushed open the door a rich smell of coffee and freshly baked bread greeted him. A few tables were scattered across the room, fresh flowers placed on every single one. The chairs were made of wood, painted with white colour and had a shabby cheque look to them. There weren’t many guests, but a tall guy leaning against the counter, wearing a dark grey apron on top of a green shirt and grey cargo pants. A tag on his right breast read “Ikuta”.

The door hadn’t chimed what Jun was thankful for. He couldn’t help but dread working in a place where a bell started ringing as soon as someone entered the shop. By now Ikuta had spotted him and gave him a flashy smile.

“Welcome to Green Oasis, my name is Ikuta, how can I help you?” He was beautiful in a classic way and Jun couldn’t help but stare a bit until he managed to pull himself together. In greeting he bowed his head. “Matsumoto Jun, I am supposed to see Oguri-san.” Ikuta’s smile turned soft and he bowed slightly. “Please follow me.”

Ikuta opened the flap on the counter and lead Jun down a small hallway adjacent to the coffee shop. A kitchen was located to their right, while Ikuta lead him left into a room with a desk and a comfortable looking sofa.

“Sit down, Shun-san will be here soon.” He made a small gesture indicating the sofa. “Do you want a coffee?”

“Yes, please.” Jun smiled. He preferred his coffee with almond milk, but didn’t dare ask for it. He didn’t want to seem greedy or demanding, after all he was still applying to work here. While Ikuta left the room to fetch the coffee, Jun let his gaze roam. It was a rather small room that seemed almost crowded with the desk and the sofa. If he stretched out his legs, he’d be able to touch the other wall with the tips of his shoes. A small window showed the grey wall of the adjacent building, but let in a little bit of light. From the distance he couldn’t read the titled of the few books crammed on a small shelf in the corner of the room and for a second Jun wondered if he would have made a better impression if he had put on his glasses rather than the outdated contact lenses he was wearing. He knew he needed a new prescription, but hadn’t bothered to change them yet.

Light footsteps announced the return of Ikuta, but as Jun turned around, he came face to face with yet another fairly attractive man who was carrying a tray with two cups on it. He set down the tray on the desk and turned to Jun, smiling gently. “You must be Matsumoto-kun. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Oguri Shun.” Jun bowed as deeply as he could, still perched on the edge of the sofa.

“Matsumoto Jun. The pleasure is mine.”

With a small nod in Jun’s direction Oguri moved behind the desk and carefully, not to spill any coffee, lifted the cups of the tray, handing one to Jun. The hot exterior of the cup was almost burning Jun’s finger tips, but he didn’t dare let go, clutching the cup as he prepared himself for the interview to come. But rather than starting right away, Oguri leaned back in his chair and took a small sip from his cup, momentarily closing his eyes as if he was savouring the bitter taste, before he redirected his attention to Jun who hadn’t moved yet.

“Tell me about yourself.” Oguri smiled and placed the cup back on the table. Jun had just taken a small sip and now almost choked on the bitter liquid that burned the roof of his mouth.

“My name is Matsumoto Jun, I’m 27 years old and just moved here from America.” He glanced at the dark coffee and took a small break, before continuing. “I’m a professional figure skater, but need a job as I just moved back to Japan. My experience is limited, but I promise I’ll work hard.” He had already told Oguri all of this in his mail, but what else was there to say about him? “So,” Oguri resettled on his chair, swivelling the coffee in his cup with a flick of his wrist. “Why did you apply here?”

Jun had known that he would ask and had thought about his answer for ages, but now, as he was faced with the question, couldn’t find the right words. Finally, he looked up again, somewhat avoiding Oguri’s stare. “I have worked in a small bakery in my first years as a figure skater, so I thought this might suit me. The café looks very nice and I think I could be some help.”

Oguri nodded careful. “You realize that we only pay minimum wage?” He asked in a soft tone, almost as if he was worried about Jun. Jun nodded.

“Still, I prefer a job where I can do something, I enjoy rather than earning as much money as possible.” It was true- the job would not pay for all of his expenses, but it was a start. Still, if he didn’t find a sponsor sooner rather than later, he knew he would have to give up the lessons with Ohno-sensei and Aiba. “And the working hours fit my schedule perfectly.” He felt like he was not fit to do the job, as if Oguri was searching for someone different, so now his primary goal was to end the interview as smoothly as possible. His heart was dropping and an uneasy feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach, so it didn’t come as a big surprise as Oguri got up again.

“Can you make me some cappuccino?” He asked softly and Jun jumped up in a very inelegant way, the coffee in his hand sloshing dangerously. Oguri lead him back to the counter. Ikuta was still leaned against the counter near the coffee machine, but moved to the side quickly as he saw them approach. He gave Jun an encouraging smile as Oguri showed him the coffee machine.

The two of them watched Jun closely as he set to prepare the cappuccino. He measured a small quantity of coffee beans before placing them in the grinder. He then transferred the ground powder into a portafilter and inserted it in the brew head. His hands had finally stopped trembling and with a small smile Jun watched the dark liquid drip into the cup below. Out of habit he reached for the bottle of almond milk and set to steam it. He didn’t notice the curious glances Ikuta and Oguri exchanged as he filled the milk into the pitcher he had gotten from the fridge.

He activated the steam wand and carefully moved it through the milk, creating a small layer of aerated milk on the top. He watched the bubbles carefully as he swirled the milk and finally tapped it on the counter before picking up the coffee cup with one hand and transferring the milk, gently creating small waves on the surface as he did so. Only as he had finished, he remembered the presence of the other two. Without saying anything Oguri took the cup, carefully eyed it before finally taking a small sip. Still silent he passed it on to Ikuta who repeated his action and Jun closed his eyes as if he could will reality away. “This is good coffee.” Jun opened his eyes and saw the two of them smile at him. Ikuta gave his back a firm pat and Jun flinched, not prepared for the touch, but the other two acted as if nothing had happened.

“Can you start tomorrow?” A wide smile split Jun’s face and he nodded eagerly. So, he had passed the test.

As Oguri left them to fetch the contract Ikuta smiled at Jun. “He does that with anyone who applies. You’re the first to pass in a long time.” He winked at Jun and Jun felt himself blush. Ikuta was undeniably attractive.

“Call me Toma.” He added and stretched out his hand. Timidly Jun grasped it and smiled back.

The quiet coffee shop, busy Tokyo and humid summer air were still on Jun’s mind as he tried to settle down while tying his laces. Aiba was waiting for him beside the now empty rink and Jun didn’t want to keep him waiting. The blisters from the previous day had barely started healing, but now was not the time to fret over the pain as he slowly stalked over the black rubber mats towards the rink. Aiba was seated in the first row, his crutches propped against the seat to his right. He was clad in a duffle coat in contrast to Jun who was wearing a light t-shirt and thin gloves. Jun shivered slightly as he eyed his new coach. Though he had spent the better part of his life on ice he was not very fond of the cold and couldn’t wait to chase it away.

“I got the music for your last short program, so I’d like you to skate for me.” Aiba smiled and lifted the remote control to the music. It had been ages since Jun had last skated the program, but he would not start complaining in his first lesson. Ridding his skates of the hard covers of the blades Jun stepped out on the ice and drew a few circles on the ice, enjoying the sensation of the smooth ice beneath his feet before he spiralled to a stop in the middle of the rink and looked up, giving Aiba the cue to start the music.

As soon as the first piano notes echoed through the empty room, he began remembering and working on muscle memory started with an intricate series of small twists and turns before launching himself up in the air for a triple axel. He mis stepped the landing and caught himself in the last moment, trying not to seem too affected. While his body was working hard to keep up with the fast beat of the music, Jun found his mind wandering back to places he didn’t want to revisit. He had last skated this before his coach had called him over to break to him why he wanted Jun to stop training (with or without his guidance). Without noticing Jun’s breath hitched and he felt angry tears well up in his eyes. He couldn’t let his emotions- his old emotions get to him. He had to forget about this. What had he even known? Why did he think he had the right to hurt Jun like this? And why was Aiba making him revisit this place?

Swallowing hard against the tears he missed the landing of his quadruple salchow and went flying, his back connecting hard with the barrier behind him, the sound echoing through the rink. Lying on the ice, his gaze fixed on the blurry lights above him, Jun wondered what he was doing here. The music continued, but Jun didn’t feel like getting up again. He knew that Aiba would worry if he didn’t get up, but lacked the courage to do so. Tears had started pooling in his eyes, but Jun didn’t care anymore, letting them overflow and coat his cheeks in saline.

“Are you ok?” Someone was leaning over him, touching his arm and then retreating as if he was afraid to move Jun. The voice had a certain urgency to it and it took Jun a few moments to finally place it until Sakurai’s worried face came into view. He was kneeling on the ice in front of Jun, leaning over him, one hand placed against the smooth surface next to Jun’s left cheek. Without answering Jun got up, pushing himself up first on his elbows before sitting up. Sakurai moved back to give him some air, but seemed weary, his eyes searching Jun’s body for injuries. With one hand Jun wiped the tears away and got up, one of Sakurai’s arms hovering behind his back to catch him if he were to fall again. Without meeting Sakurai’s eyes Jun finally replied. “I’m fine. I’m not hurt. I’m sorry to make you worry.”

His voice had finally taken on an emotionless tone, not allowing Sakurai to witness any of the weakness he had shown just seconds earlier. Besides, what was Sakurai actually doing here? Didn’t he have other important stuff to do? When he finally looked up again, this time meeting Sakurai’s eyes directly, Sakurai’s face had changed. The worried, soft gaze had been replaced with a look of annoyance and pity. Without a further word Jun turned away and skated back to the middle of the rink. He didn’t need Sakurai’s pity. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. The music had stopped, but Jun would just redo it. Even without the music he remembered the steps and started once again, this time relying on his memory alone and not allowing his thoughts to interfere.

When he finally returned to the side to meet with Aiba, his coach had taken on an expression of concern, but was trying to mask it. Jun had to give it to him that he didn’t try to talk about Jun’s small misshape, but rather started explaining to him where he had gone wrong.

“Your second try was executed perfectly, but it was lacking emotion.” He finished and leaned back as if to give Jun room for explanation. When Jun stayed silent, weary of what was going to happen next, he did follow up. “Let’s replace those memories with better ones, ne?”

Jun felt as if Aiba had just looked into his soul, allowing him to continue and rewrite his story. Finally, Jun smiled, the smile wiping away the memory of the tears and when Aiba smiled back Jun knew he was going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some free time this week and weekend, so take the next chapter. Updates will be irregular depending on my schedule, sorry for that.  
> I'm actually quite happy with how this chapter turned out but I'm a bit afraid of how I am to finish this fic. I've got it outlined, but here we are 3 chapters and only 36h in the story. I hope you like it though, feel free to leave feedback :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Sho

Two notifications had popped up on his phone screen and Sho was very much tempted to ignore them, but he knew running away from his problems wouldn’t solve them. With a small sense of dread, he opened the text from his mother and sighed. Why did they have to be this meddlesome? He closed it without answering, knowing his mother would not even take no for an answer. The second text from Aiba brought a smile to his face. He had told Sho the day before that he was going to start training with Matsumoto Jun that afternoon and the text only contained 5 characters. _15:00._ While Sho would never admit it, he was quite interested in the newcomer. Well, he was not exactly new to the skating world, but very new to this rink and Japanese figure skating, having moved to the US at the tender age of 15 (Wikipedia told him). But of course, Aiba had picked up his interest in Matsumoto immediately and was fast in providing additional information. Sho had spent the entire evening watching videos of Matsumoto skating and had to give it to him- while there certainly were better figure skaters out there, there was a certain tenderness to his skating, as if he was painting a picture of emotions on the ice. But YouTube videos could only convey so much and the previous day he had only seen Matsumoto practice jumps.

A few minutes after three o’clock Sho silently pushed open one of the side entrances of the rink. He could hear music playing which meant Matsumoto was already skating and probably not concentrating on what was going on around him. Sho knew that Matsumoto would not be happy to have someone watch his very first lesson, but then Aiba had texted him the time so Sho didn’t have to worry about two people being upset with him watching.

There was no other word to describe Matsumoto but beautiful. He was completely entrancing, drawing complicated patterns on the ice and executing most jumps perfectly, but what struck Sho the most was the raw emotion painted on his fine features, his eyes almost spilling over with tears. It had been a long time since he had seen someone skate like this and deep down, he knew that it rarely ended well, but it gave him no satisfaction to watch Matsumoto fall. The sound of his back hitting the barrier kept on echoing through Sho’s head. But to make matters worse Matsumoto didn’t get up. He just lay there motionless, tears coating his cheeks and Sho felt his heart drop in fear.

Without thinking further about how Matsumoto would react when he found out about Sho watching, he jumped over the barrier and kneeled down next to him and touched his arm, careful not to stir him, worried that he might have injured his spine. But then Matsumoto sat up, brushed him off and got up again, not minding Sho at all, only apologizing for making him worry and Sho felt a small angry spark bloom in his chest. Who did he think he were?

Later that day when he was already on his way home Aiba texted him that Matsumoto was fine and had not mentioned Sho being there at all.

“I’m home!” Sho called out as he shrugged out of his jacket and took off his shoes. A pair of dark grey slippers were already waiting for him at the entrance of his parents’ home. He could still feel the lingering heat from the hot summer night on his skin as he stepped into the living room where his mother was seated on the sofa, a petite woman besides her. When they noticed Sho, both stood up.

“Welcome back!” His mother greeted with an elegant smile as she bowed slightly. The woman next to her followed her example, her forehead almost touching her knees as she lowered her head in a deep bow.

“Welcome home, Sakurai-san.” She didn’t meet his eyes when he looked up again. Sho had to pull himself together so he wouldn’t give away the annoyance he was feeling. Ever since he had turned 30, he could expect a new young, respectable woman to meet whenever his parents invited him for dinner. While both his younger siblings were already married, Sho was the black sheep of the family, not only not married but not even engaged and not even seeing someone. Adding to this that he had been the only one not choosing a respectable career in politics but rather became a professional figure skater much to his father’s dismay he would usually feel inferior at family meet-ups and his parents made sure to always make him remember. The only reason why they hadn’t said anything about his job yet was that he kept winning important competitions and most of his parents’ friends were curiously fond of the young figure skater. So now the only thorn in his parents’ eye was his obvious lack of a partner. Being single at 30 struck them as extremely worrisome and Sho didn’t have the courage to tell them to their face that he wasn’t interested in women, though he guessed they knew. Nevertheless, here he was again, face to face with another potential young bride.

Sometimes Sho wondered if it would end faster if he told his parents directly about his lack of interest in women, but then again, he couldn’t bear the thought of them hating him. So here he was again, about to face an evening spent with boring small talk and his mother watching him closely.

They settled around the big table where his mother had arranged a number of small dishes in a typical Japanese kaiseki meal. Out of habit he started counting, wondering how long he should leave for every course and how long it would take him to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

The woman his mother had chosen this time was seated directly opposite him and was smiling at him in a way she probably believed cute. Sho tried to avoid her gaze, but under the watchful eyes of his mother he had to return it at some point and as soon as he looked up, she started talking.

“Can I pour you some sake, Sakurai-san?” She asked politely, already lifting the bottle of traditional rice wine. Returning her smile Sho shook his head. “I don’t drink on weekdays, as I’ll have to train tomorrow, I hope you understand.” Of course, his mother knew, but she didn’t quite agree with his schedule anyways. Usually the women were taken aback by his decline of them serving him, but this one was different. With a wide smile she placed the bottle down. “So, I guess we’ll have to repeat this on a weekend then.”

It took Sho about two hours until he could finally say his good byes. Both his mother and his “date” had insisted that he saved her number in his phone, but one-sided conversations could only continue for a certain time and both watched him as he made his way down the stairs leading up to the entrance of the house. He could make out the expression of hope in the woman’s face while his mother’s face had once again become a cold mask, clearly disapproving of his habits of scaring the women away. There was something like determination in her eye as the door closed and involuntarily Sho shivered slightly. He didn’t like that look.

Sadly, though, the night stayed on his mind for longer than he had wished for. The woman had already texted him before he could even enter his own apartment and Sho felt dread creeping up his veins. He wondered if his parents would finally fulfil their promise to marry him off to a nice woman if he couldn’t find a partner by himself. When he finally fell asleep it was already way past midnight.

Sho was running late on his way to work, but he had only planned an extensive ballet and gym session in the morning so he would skip part of that. A wide yawn, hidden by the face mask he was wearing, split his face and he sighed. It was one of these rare mornings when he was in dire need of caffeine. He usually tried to avoid caffeine before training, but he was not sure if he could even stay awake, if he didn’t get some coffee first. His favourite café was a bit out of his way but he decided that it was worth it and got off two stations early. Behind him he could hear people whisper. While he was not some top-notch celebrity, a few people tended to recognize him, hence the face mask and the sun glasses he had added for good measure. He was just a figure skater, but figure skating had gained some popularity lately and if faced with the right people he sometimes felt like an idol. It was not like he hated the feeling; he just couldn’t bear with it right now.

The café he was heading for was easy to miss, hidden between the tall buildings near the station, but he knew for a fact that they had the best coffee in town. Opening the door, he noticed the old, faded job posting had disappeared from the window and he wondered who had managed to convince Shun that he was worthy of making coffee in his holy shop. Maybe a pretty young university student hired for his looks rather than his skills, Sho mused as he entered the cool café, the air conditioning fighting hard against the humid heat he brought from the outside.

“Welcome!” A slightly nasal voice that sounded oddly familiar greeted him. Sho froze as he looked up. Matsumoto froze as he recognized him. For a second they just stared at each other and Sho took the chance to admire the view. Matsumoto looked quite pleasant clad in the grey and green uniform hugging his muscular frame snuggly. He was wearing a dark pair of glasses that gave him a slightly sophisticated look. Sho remembered their last encounter and Matsumoto’s embarrassment at him watching him skate and fall. But to his surprise Matsumoto smiled softly, though the smile did not quite reach his eyes.

“What can I help you with?” He shifted slightly on his feet, giving away the nervousness he might be feeling. As soon as he had recognized Sho he had started avoiding eye contact.

“I’ll take a double espresso.” Sho said with a smile and placed a 1000-yen bill on the counter. Matsumoto’s cheeks took on a slight pink tinge as he took the bill and handed Sho his change, almost as if he felt embarrassed by Sho paying him. Without a further word Matsumoto turned around and started preparing his coffee. Sho would have been lying if he said he didn’t take the time to admire the slim back and the perfectly formed butt clad in jeans not hiding anything. Too absorbed by the view he only noticed Toma when he stepped out of the back of the shop.

“Sho-san!” Toma greeted him friendly, his eyes giving away immediately that he had noticed Sho admiring Matsumoto’s back. “Nice to see you!” He stepped closer to the counter. “As a figure skater I guess you know Matsujun, our newest barista.” He gave Matsumoto’s shoulder a small pat. The moment he touched Matsumoto’s back a shiver seemed to run through Matsumoto’s body and with a loud clash the cup he had just used dropped from his hand, spraying the finished espresso on his shoes and shattering at the impact. Both Sho and Toma froze as Matsumoto bent down, a steady stream of apologies coming from his mouth as he started picking up the pieces. He looked visibly shaken as he turned to Sho. “I am very sorry for the inconvenience; I will make you a new espresso in a second.” Toma had picked up a rag next to the sink and started mopping up the espresso to their feet. Sho could see his lips form the word ‘Sorry’ as he turned towards Matsumoto, but he couldn’t make out Matsumoto’s answer.

When Matsumoto handed him his cup of espresso Sho grabbed his hand, turning it around so the palm faced upwards. Blood was pouring from a small cut on his ring finger and Sho sucked in the air sharply as he took in the size of the injury. Immediately Matsumoto pulled his hand from his grasp and hid it against his chest, his eyes burning with anger and embarrassment. With a slightly shaky voice he said “Enjoy your espresso.” and stepped away from the counter and into the darkness of the hallway behind him. When he wasn’t visible anymore Sho turned and came face to face with Toma, who had been watching him closely. “You know him, don’t you?” He asked, his voice cold. Sho nodded. “He started training at my rink.” He took a sip from his cup before adding. “Can you check on him for me? I think he injured his hand.” Toma nodded courtly and left, while Sho turned his back to the counter and left the café, still wondering about Matsumoto Jun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me some time to write and it is not my favourite one, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways  
> As always, I appreciate your comments and kudos ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Aiba

“Thank you for your time.” Aiba bowed as deep as he could before picking up his now single crutch and slowly limping out of his physiotherapist’s office. Matsumoto requesting to hold their training sessions in the evenings had opened up a slot in his schedule and Aiba was quite thankful for the extra time during the day. When he went for physiotherapy in the evenings it was usually the young trainees responsible for therapy, but now he got the owner of the place itself and he wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but his knee already felt better. He tried not to dwell on it, but it still hurt to end his career like this. Of course, everyone told him he would make a grand return, but Aiba himself knew that this was not going to happen. He might return to ice skating, but not to being a competitive figure skater and it hurt when people assumed, he’d just be able to pick it right up again. So, for now he was just focussing on training Matsumoto as good as he could so the younger man could skate in his place. After only a week he was slowly coming to realize that this was going to be a hard piece of work, but it motivated him more than it should.

Matsumoto still hadn’t opened up about what had happened with his last coach and Aiba would not pry. He knew that Nino could tell him, but figured it would not help his relationship with Matsumoto to go behind his back to find out. So far, the few things he knew were: Matsumoto was perfectionistic and would stay way longer than he should to perfect every little detail. He worked in a coffee shop since he didn’t have sponsors yet. He had celiac disease and was thus a notoriously picky eater. Aiba was not sure if he had ever seen him eat anything besides salad and the occasional rice ball either he or Nino forced down his throat. And he got incredibly nervous as soon as Sho entered the room. Aiba chuckled. Matsumoto also sucked at hiding his crush on Sho.

After setting up the music for their next training session Aiba fished out his phone and checked for any messages he had missed. As usual Nino had texted him.

_He skipped lunch. Make sure he eats._

If Aiba was being honest he was starting to see what had happened in America, but he would not assume. The text was followed up with _I left a few rice balls in front of your locker._ Aiba had found them and already eaten one. He stared at the wrapper in his hand with a small feeling of guilt in his stomach. Why couldn’t Nino just leave a note with the rice balls? Before he could text back the side room to the lockers opened and Matsumoto stepped out, clad in an oversized t-shirt and his loose sweatpants.

“Matsumoto-kun, come over here!” He waved and pointed at the seat next to him as Matsumoto was about to step out on the ice.

With a slightly annoyed look on his face Matsumoto froze, but put his blade covers back on and sat down next to Aiba, perched on the very outer rim of the seat as if he didn’t want to get too comfortable.

“Nino left those for you.” Aiba placed the bag containing three rice balls in Matsumoto’s lap. “He said you skipped lunch.”

Matsumoto clicked his tongue in annoyance, but took out one of the rice balls, carefully unwrapping it. He took a small bite and chewed a few times before swallowing and finally turning to Aiba. “Tattletale. I would have eaten after our session.” He took another small bite. “I don’t like training with a full stomach.”

Aiba shrugged. “I’d rather have you eat something before. What good would it do any of us if you fainted on the ice?” He shot Matsumoto a bright smile, but the other man had frozen, his knuckles around the bag with rice balls turning white as he clenched his fist shut. Shit, he had hit a sensitive topic. Aiba pulled himself out of his stupor. “I brought the music for your new program. Want to hear it?” Before Matsumoto could answer he had pressed play and both stayed still as the first notes rang through the room.

While Matsumoto closed his eyes and seemingly concentrated on the music Aiba couldn’t help but run the last few minutes through his head again. Food seemed to be a sensitive topic and if he looked closely Matsumoto’s cheek bones looked a little more pronounced than they had just days ago. But… every time he offered him food; Matsumoto ate it without much complaint. Nino was also constantly encouraging him to eat. Aiba felt worry pool in his stomach. But before he could say anything the music ended and Matsumoto got up, already taking off the covers of his blades again.

“I’ll do a quick warm up and then you can tell me what you have planned for the new piece.” Aiba watched his slim frame as he skated to the middle of the rink and started with a few figures and simple jumps.

While Matsumoto was warming up, he got out his phone and texted Nino back. _What is it with Matsumoto and food?_

Nino took only seconds to respond. _Let’s meet for drinks after your teaching session._

Even though he was feeling quite uncomfortable with going behind Matsumoto’s back, his worry won in the end.

_I’ll meet you outside._

As always Nino was playing on his phone when Aiba spotted him leaned against a lamp post close to the entrance of the training facility. It was still a mystery to him how Nino, no matter how engulfed he was in his game, managed to notice him even before he greeted him and pocketed his phone while watching Aiba limp over to his lamp post. In silence they made their way to the closest izakaya and sat down on a table in the back, ignoring the noisy group of business men at the table next to theirs.

They didn’t speak much until after their beers arrived. Eyeing Aiba critically Nino asked. “Are you even allowed to drink with all the painkillers you’re taking?” Aiba huffed and took a big gulp from his beer, before leaning back and closing his eyes, savouring the taste. “I’m off most of them, my liver will survive this one beer.”

He grinned and placed the glass back on the table. Folding his arms on the table he leaned forward.

“So, let’s pick up our conversation from earlier. What is it with Matsumoto and food?”

Now Nino himself picked up his glass and took a sip, avoiding Aiba’s gaze. Then, after a few painfully silent seconds he sighed.

“Jun is going to hate me for telling you, but here goes nothing.” It seemed like Nino had to pluck up the courage to continue, so Aiba waited. When Nino didn’t say anything after a few moments he asked. “You mean you’re not supposed to tell me about his eating disorder?”

Within a split-second Nino was staring at him, his mouth standing open a centimetre and Aiba would have found it funny if not for the topic they were talking about.

He then picked up his glass and started swirling the beer in it, once again avoiding Aiba’s gaze.

“Formally, he doesn’t have one.” When Nino seemed to notice his expression of disbelief he started elaborating. “I know that he has major issues with eating, but you can’t really call it an eating disorder. I looked it up on the internet after Jun told me.”

Taking a deep breath, Nino continued. “I know Jun is an incredibly picky eater and if it is not the food he wants or can eat he won’t eat at all. He is not necessarily trying to lose weight; he just won’t eat a lot of things. It’s not uncommon in people with celiac disease to have food issues or even eating disorders and Jun falls right into the scheme. He does have other issues on top of that. Like being way to perfectionistic and displaying a bit of social anxiety at times, but add that to his physical condition and you get someone who just won’t eat enough. Whenever he eats anything containing gluten, he’ll have stomach issues for at least a week afterwards and I get that he won’t eat anything then if he is not entirely certain that it’s completely gluten free. He’s used to not eating a lot and skipping meals is common for him.

During his last season in the US his coach tried putting him on a different diet containing traces of gluten and Jun couldn’t keep up. He started skipping meals and stopped eating anything his coach ever offered him. It was not like he was being bullied into eating, it was overseen by a doctor, but Jun couldn’t deal with it. He had a bad relapse of his disease, but wouldn’t tell anyone in case they would make him miss training. He fainted a couple of times and was admitted to hospital twice. By then he had missed too many major competitions to even try for the Grand Prix. He ended up getting in a big fight with his coach, blaming him for his condition. His coach told him he would never train him again and that Jun with that weak body of his had no chance to stay a competitive figure skater.”

Aiba had listened carefully. He had suspected Matsumoto to have issues with food, but hadn’t known about the extent. It was way more complicated than people with anorexia. With those you knew that psychotherapy might help, but Matsumoto had an underlying condition messing with all of this.

“I see…” He finally said. “So, the problem is not that he eats but what and when.” Nino nodded. “He knows that I know so he’ll trust me with his food, but not many people and while he didn’t tell me everything, I know that he was feeling like crap for the better part of last year.”

Nino took another swing from his glass and leaned back, closing his eyes. “But now he’s spiralling downwards again. He is too busy to cook but won’t eat anything anyone else made.”

They stayed silent for a few minutes, both of them left in their own thoughts. They had to get Matsumoto to eat enough to keep his body working, but he was already traumatized by the attempts of his last coach to mess with his food.

“Do you know if he has a dietician helping him?” Aiba asked carefully. He was not quite sure what to do himself. Of course, the two of them could continue to force feed Matsumoto rice balls, but that was not a long-term solution.

Nino shook his head. “He knows enough about food himself, but now he’s even working a job and just doesn’t have the time to cook or anything.”

They both stayed silent for some time, thinking about the unsolvable problem that was Matsumoto Jun.

“It would probably still be better to have a doctor overlooking his training.” Aiba finally said while he twirled his glass in his hand.

“He has major trust issues…” Nino sighed. “Well, now you know. Let’s talk about something more positive than Jun and his eating problems. How’s physiotherapy going?”

Aiba sighed, then laughed and finally answered. “It’s getting better, but not quite there yet. My physiotherapist recons I can start skating in about two months. Until then Matsumoto has to skate for me.” He grinned, trying to hide his disappointment in the lengths he still had to go.

They spent the next hour discussing the programs of the last season and how Nino was still trying to settle on music for his next short program. He had bluntly rejected all film music Aiba had suggested, so in the end it had been Matsumoto who had got stuck with Forrest Gump.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Their respective taxis had just arrived and Nino was the first of them to get up. He stretched and stopped for a split second, but long enough for Aiba to notice. But before he could say anything, Nino had left, leaving Aiba wondering if there was also something his friend was not telling him. In the end he didn’t think much about it anymore. It had been the first beer in a very long time and alcohol was clouding his thoughts.

He spent the minutes before going to sleep lazily scrolling through YouTube and watching random orchestra music videos, before finally settling on one and sending it to Nino. It sometimes felt like he had to shoulder the burden for everyone he ever met, but wasn’t that part of his new job. With a yawn Aiba closed his eyes. He would deal with Matsumoto tomorrow.

It was harder than he had thought not to think different about Matsumoto after his and Nino’s talk the previous evening. If only a week of being back on ice had done this to him Aiba was not sure how they were going to continue training and getting Matsumoto into shape for the upcoming season. He was quite talented and extremely stubborn, but at the end of every session they had he would end up wiped out, panting heavily as he tried to recover from the effort. Once again, they had their session in the evenings and while Aiba had waited, he had spent some time looking up food supplements for people with celiac disease. He had gotten to the rink about half an hour early and now had to spend the time waiting for Matsumoto. The most difficult thing would be approaching that topic, since Matsumoto had never formally told him about his underlying condition and not even about his falling out with his last coach. In Matsumoto’s eyes Aiba still didn’t know anything.

Without locking the screen Aiba dropped his phone on the bench next to him and leaned back, closing his eyes for a split second.

“A new food craze?”

Within a split second Aiba had sat up, grinning brightly at the person who was now holding his phone and looking at his search history (Oh how glad he was that it only displayed the last 10 searches he had done).

“Satoshi! You’re back!”

The man in question smiled softly, handed Aiba his phone and then sat down next to him. “I’m home.”

Then, when Aiba didn’t answer and just continued to smile at him he spoke again. “Why are you looking up gluten free calorie bars?”

As Aiba eyed him he noticed that Satoshi had tanned once again to an unhealthy level, but other than that looked quite refreshed.

“I’ll tell you later! How was Los Angeles?”

Satosi smiled softly. “I think I managed to learn a few things about coaching, but didn’t have as much time as I wanted by the ocean.”

Aiba laughed. “You’re still burnt to a crisp!” Satoshi’s face scrunched up in amusement. “You know I tan easily.”

“You should really start wearing sunscreen!” Aiba scolded.

Before they could continue the door to the lockers opened and Matsumoto stepped out, today clad in a long-sleeved sweatshirt that was loosely accentuating is slim frame. He froze as he noticed the unknown person next to Aiba.

Satoshi shot him a soft smile and got up, bowing slightly.

“Ohno Satoshi, I guess you must be Matsumoto-kun.”

Nervously Matsumoto bowed his head, a hand on the barriers stabilizing him on his skates. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Ohno-sensei. I heard you were out of town a few days.”

“The pleasure is mine.” Satoshi was mustering Matsumoto critically before he continued. “I was in Los Angeles for a meeting with a few foreign coaches. I think I also met your last coach, he talked about you a lot.”

Matsumoto started paling visibly and shaking slightly. With a nervous laugh he turned away from Satoshi and rubbed his arms.

“It’s getting cold, so I think I’ll start warming up.” For a moment his eyes met Aiba’s and Aiba could see the fear clearly on display.

While Matsumoto started, he turned to Satoshi and lowered his voice. “Did he also tell you about why Matsumoto stopped training under him?” It took Satoshi a second to think before he shook his head. With a sigh Aiba redirected his gaze to Matsumoto who had started doing simple jumps. “Just try not to talk to him about it. It’s kind of a sensitive topic and Nino only told me yesterday. I’ll try to explain later, but for now I think it would be best of you focussed on your other trainees.”

Aiba’s face had taken on a hard expression and he stood up, stepping forward and calling out to Matsumoto, his back still turned to Satoshi as he left the rink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was quite interesting to write. I focussed on German guidelines concerning anorexia nervosa, as those are the ones I know best. Sorry for making this a bit educational, but I needed to explain it in detail how the situation is for Jun in this fic. I used to have a roommate with similar problems, who didn't meet the criteria for anorexia nervosa, but was still having food issues on a major scale...  
> That being said I quite enjoyed writing this chapter and I'm getting the feeling that this story is moving forward. I hope you enjoyed! Of course I'm always happy about comments. I don't usually reply to them on AO3 (sorry, one of my quirks, I find it weird that my replies also start counting as comments in the statistics), but if you want to talk to me directly head over to my Twitter @Outdoorsy_ars :)  
> Next chapter will as always happen depending on my working schedule


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Jun

If he had been alone Jun was not sure if he had cried or laughed or both. Anyways, his heart was pumping hard, sending surges of anxiety through his whole body while he tried to focus on his movements. The sound of his skates on the ice sounded louder than they were, but it was at least a distraction from his spiralling thoughts. Ohno-sensei had talked to his old coach, he knew. He would now continue judging him and pressuring him in one direction and Jun was already growing nauseous at the mere thought of going back to his old life. His stomach started churning and he was not sure if he would be able to keep the salad down, he had just eaten before practice. He launched into another jump and was glad when his feet once again connected with the ice, at least they were not betraying him. He had known coming here had been a bad idea, no matter how happy Nino was here, no matter that Sakurai Sho also trained here. If anything, THAT made matters worse.

“Matsumoto?” Aiba’s voice split through his thoughts like a sword, momentarily grounding him on the ice. He couldn’t show emotions, conceal them, act as if nothing was wrong. When he skated back to the side of the rink, he could see it painted all over Aiba’s face. He knew.

To his great surprise Aiba didn’t say anything. He placed his hand over Jun’s that he used to stabilize him against the barriers and slowly turned it around, his fingers feeling for Jun’s pulse that was beating hard against Aiba’s touch.

“It’s ok. I sent Satoshi away. Can you look at me?” His voice was interlaced with worry but to his surprise Jun couldn’t hear any pity in it.

“I’m sorry.” Aiba apologized and Jun was not entirely certain what for. But to his great astonishment Aiba then returned to his professional attitude. “Let’s focus on the foot work today.”

Though Jun didn’t do any further jumps he once again was panting hard when Aiba finished their lesson. For the last hour he had done spins, pirouettes and all kind of figures that didn’t involve jumping.

“Can we talk for a minute?” Aiba asked when Jun stepped off the ice. So here it was, the scolding and the lecture Jun had been waiting for. But what else could he do, so he nodded. Aiba shrugged off his down jacket and handed it to Jun, before sitting back down. Jun was coated in a thin sheen of sweat and was feeling quite warm, but he knew that it would only get worse if he didn’t put on warmer clothes. Timidly he sat down next to Aiba, avoiding his gaze.

Wordlessly Aiba handed him his bottle of water and waited while Jun drank thirstily. Then he stayed silent, not saying anything while Jun was growing more anxious by the second until he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned and looked Aiba directly in the eye. “What is it that you want to talk to me about?” His words came out more harshly and annoyed than he had intended, but he felt a little caged and just wanted to get this over with.

Finally, Aiba spoke. “I talked to Nino yesterday and he told me about your last coach. You have every right to be angry for me snooping, but I felt like I needed to know, so I pressured him into telling me.”

Jun felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over his head. Of course, he had suspected, but hearing his suspicions confirmed just felt wrong. If only he could leave now, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to move forward that way, so he stayed. He did not respond, though, and after a few seconds of silence Aiba continued.

“I won’t try to mess with your diet or force you to eat anything you don’t want to. What happened is horrible and shouldn’t happen to anyone, but the only thing we can do is not make the same mistake.”

He smiled softly and for a second Jun started to gain hope.

“However, if you continue to lose weight at this rate, I’m not sure if your body will be able to take a full season. I won’t make any suggestions at this point, since you know best what you can it and what you can’t, but please don’t mistreat your body like this.”

Aiba’s voice had taken on a pleading tone, but to his surprise Jun didn’t find it embarrassing. He felt like Aiba actually wanted to help and nodded, not able to put his thoughts into words. He knew that he had started spiralling downwards again, but hadn’t suspected anyone to notice this fast.

“I’m sure we’ll find a way to solve this, but for now I just wanted to let you know about my concerns.” Aiba got up and with a finally court bow left the rink and Jun.

Though Aiba’s words had been genuine Jun’s thoughts had started spiralling out of control the moment he had closed his apartment door behind him. Aiba had said he didn’t want to interfere with his diet but then hadn’t his last coach said the same thing before gradually turning Jun’s life upside down and down and down? If he ignored Aiba’s suggestions he would soon be without coach again and would never be able to compete again, but if he followed them, he might end up in the place he was trying to leave. But there was no one to blame but himself. He couldn’t even keep his body in top shape, how was he even supposed to do good in competitions? Sakurai would never see him as an equal. And where was he supposed to go after this ended? He had never pursued and academic career, his skills were limited at best and going back to university was something he couldn’t afford.

Suddenly the room started feeling oppressive and before Jun even knew what he was doing, he had left his apartment, not even locking the door and ran out into the light rain that had set in a few hours ago. For a long time, he just ran, panting heavily against the beating of his anxious heart, trying to drown out his own thoughts. Around him the city was starting to light up while the sky grew even blacker. His legs started protesting against the strain he was putting on them after a regular day of training and Jun hated his body for being this weak. And even though he was fighting hard against the exhaustion his steps grew slower until he was barely walking anymore and after another kilometre of willing his body to keep going, they finally gave way, leaving Jun seated at a bus stop, trembling slightly. His shirt clung to his body and he could see his ribs through the fabric. A big wave of self-hatred washed over him. Aiba was right. He wasn’t even able to take care of his own body.

He leaned his head back against the wall of the bus stop and let his tears run free. The people passing by must think he was drunk while Jun tried to keep in his desperate sobs.

And slowly, slowly, his sobs started ebbing away, his tears drying up and he wasn’t even sure how he was able to keep himself upright. His mind had started turning blank, but as shivers ran through his body Jun started thinking again. He hadn’t taken his phone or his wallet and he wasn’t even sure where he was. Even less how he was going to get back home. He had been stupid.

The street in front of him was lined with dark cars carrying their drivers home, a line of lights that kept passing by, not even noticing him and even if they did they turned their eyes away from his pitiful figure. Across the street a sign of a yakitori shop flickered in the light darkness of the city, one of the old halogen lamps seemed broken. Jun had no idea where he was or how he was going to get back home. Exhaustion and panic kept fighting each other, but finally the exhaustion won and Jun leaned back. Closing his eyes for a few seconds wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“Matsumoto?”

A big shiver ran though his entire body as his tired brain registered the familiar voice calling out his name. His eyes snapped open and he tried to sit up straighter as he was able to place the voice.

A car was parked in the bus slot, it’s motor still running while the driver seemed to fumble with his seat belt.

“Gosh, how much did you drink?” Sakurai asked as he kneeled down in front of Jun, taking in his wet complexion.

Jun didn’t even have the energy left to flee or at least give an intelligent reply. Instead he shook his head and mumbled something about getting lost on his run.

Sakurai must have noticed that he wasn’t wearing clothes fit for running, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead Jun felt a tender hand pushing the hair from his face and Sakurai placing his palm against Jun’s cheek.

More to himself than Jun he mumbled something along the lines of “not sure if hot or cold” and finally addressed Jun again.

“Can you stand?” He must look really bad, Jun mused, but couldn’t even muster the energy to care as he tried to get his legs to work again. It seemed to take him too long, because at some point Sakurai grabbed his arm and swung it over his shoulder, while stabilizing Jun’s body against his own.

Kidnapping him wasn’t as difficult as he had expected, Jun mused while Sakurai half carried him over to his car and helped him lie down in the back. When he placed his own jacket on top of Jun, Jun decided that he could close his eyes for a second.

He was lying on something soft, covered with something warm and Jun felt safer than he had for a long time until his tired brain finally produced an explanation that washed away the feeling of comfort. With a gasp Jun sat up, a blanket pooling around his lower body. He was wearing a comfortable hoodie he didn’t know, sitting in a room he didn’t know either. From outside the door he could hear the muffled voice of someone talking on the phone.

His memory came back in pieces. Running from his own thoughts, getting lost and drenched, resting at a bus stop and then Sakurai finding him. What a pathetic excuse of a figure skater he was, Jun thought, bile rising in his throat. He had to get out of here, not inconvenience Sakurai even more. But before he could get his tired body to move, the door slid open and Sakurai stepped into his view. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt that accentuated his body in all the right places and would have sent Jun’s blood boiling hadn’t it been for this bone deep exhaustion and his panic.

When Sakurai noticed that he was awake he set down the tray he had been carrying and kneeled down next to the bed Jun was sitting on. With one hand he stabilized Jun’s elbow to stop his body from swaying as it had just started doing and finally spoke. “Are you feeling better?” Genuine worry interlaced the soft baritone of his voice. “I think it would be better if you laid back down.”

He guided Jun’s battered body back to the soft mattress and settled on the floor next to the bed, folding his legs elegantly.

Without waiting for Jun’s reply to his previous questions he continued. “What were you even doing there?”

Finally, Jun found his voice, though it sounded hoarse when he answered. “I got lost on a run.”

“You were wearing jeans.” Sakurai shot back, seemingly not content with his answer. Stubbornly Jun kept his mouth shut.

“I should get going, sorry for the inconvenience.” He tried to sit back up again, but Sakurai stopped him, his hand firmly pressing Jun’s shoulder down on the mattress and Jun couldn’t find the strength to shake it off.

With a sigh Sakurai looked down. “I won’t ask any more questions, but please stay in bed. You were completely hypothermic when I found you and I just got off the phone with a doctor friend, who explained to me what to do. I tried to warm you up again, but please let me just check if it worked.”

He leaned over and plucked a thermometer from the tray he had placed on the floor. When Jun didn’t take it, he got up again, turned it on and placed it in Jun’s hand.

“Please.”

“I don’t need your pity!” Jun finally blurted out, handing the thermometer back to Sakurai. “I’m fine.” He had started shivering.

“For God’s sake, I’m not pitying you, I’m worried!” Without further questions Sakurai grabbed Jun’s arm and shoved the thermometer in his arm pit and pressed the arm down to make sure it stayed there.

Eyeing the 38.7°C the thermometer displayed, Sakurai sighed. “It worked a bit too well.” He grabbed a bottle of water and unscrewed the cap. “You should drink something.” When Jun did as he was told Sakurai sighed again and sat down, his back leaned against the frame of Jun’s bed.

“I called Aiba to cancel your lessons tomorrow. You should go see a doctor in the morning, but for the time being I think sleeping would be a good idea.” He leaned his head back until he could see Jun’s face from the corner of his eye. “And don’t even think about leaving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Jun torture in this... (and I enjoyed it ^^")  
> I hope you like the new chapter. Please let me know what you think! Jun's experience is loosely based on my own after I had a panic attack at work last week and a senior doctor comforted me, but my brain kept turning her kind words into critical ones afterwards (as opposed to Jun I fled home which helped and now everything's better :) ).


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Sho

The light from the hallway was the only thing illuminating the room. Sho had settled on the floor, quietly watching Matsumoto sleep. He was not entirely sure how he had ended up in this situation. He had visited a friend just outside of Tokyo and still couldn’t explain to himself how he had even noticed the sunken figure of Matsumoto at the bus stop. Next thing he had known was phoning one of his doctor friends and asking about how to take care of a hypothermic person. He still had no idea about how Matsumoto had ended up at the bus stop, soaked to his skin, until he called Aiba.

“I won’t tell you the details, but Matsujun got seriously upset during practice today, but I thought he was fine after our talk. Is he ok?” Aiba had sounded incredibly worried and Sho was not sure if it was due to his nature or due to Matsumoto actually being in a kind of bad situation. While he didn’t feel like prying Sho was certainly curious about how Matsumoto had ended up like this.

Right now, Matsumoto was sleeping relatively calmly, but had started shivering a few minutes earlier. With a quiet groan Sho got up and stretched his burning legs before leaving the room to get another blanket. Maybe he should also get himself a futon, so he could at least try to get some sleep. His phone chimed just as he was about to put it back down and Sho stopped for a second. Nino was usually not one to text at two in the morning, but the notification displayed his name.

_Don’t feed Jun anything containing gluten. And please take care of him._

It was even more uncommon for Nino to ask anyone for anything and Sho felt a sudden burst of jealousy surge through his body. What if Nino saw more in Matsumoto than a friend? He knew he was being ridiculous, but something in him was drawing him towards the troubled young male currently occupying his bed.

Piling a few blankets on top of a futon Sho moved the entire bundle into his room and started making up a make-shift bed for himself besides the bed. Matsumoto had started coughing occasionally and Sho spent some time watching him, his brows furrowed before covering him with a second blanket. Matsumoto was an adult, he should be fine in a few days and could probably take care of himself, but Sho couldn’t help but worry.

Before settling down on his futon he ran a hand over Matsumoto’s overly warm forehead and damp hair and replaced the cooling sheet on his temple. Well, at least he was asleep and didn’t even notice Sho’s stare.

He was woken by an entrancing smell coming from his kitchen. Sho hadn’t even known that he owned anything that could produce that kind of smell. He sleepily ran a hand over his face and looked up at the now empty bed.

Leaning against the door frame Sho smiled as he watched Matsumoto move through his kitchen. He still didn’t look completely fine, but like he was on the mend. Right now, he was frying eggs and hadn’t even noticed Sho being there. After he let go of the handle of the pan and stepped over to the sink Sho let out a small cough so Matsumoto could notice him.

“Good morning.” He greeted as Matsumoto turned around. He still looked a bit too pale, feverish blotches still high on his cheeks, but some liveliness had returned to his face. In greeting he bowed his head. “Good morning. I’m sorry for borrowing your kitchen utensils. I made some miso soup and fried eggs.”

Matsumoto pointed to the table where the soup and some rice was already waiting for them. “I’ll just get the fried eggs ready.”

As he turned back to the pan he started swaying slightly on the spot and it took Sho a split second to cross the room and grab his elbow to stabilize him. Ignoring the food, he turned Matsumoto around so he faced him and palmed his forehead.

“I’ll get the eggs. Please sit down before you fall down.”

Matsumoto stumbled over to the table and inelegantly dropped down on one of the chairs. Making breakfast seemed to have taken a lot of energy and while Sho appreciated the sentiment, he wished he would have given his body a bit more rest. Sho placed the fried eggs on two plates and carried them over to the table.

“Thanks for the food!” He bowed slightly before picking up his chopsticks and took a bite of fried egg. He hummed in content at the flavor filling his mouth and closed his eyes to fully enjoy the sensation. Only after he opened his eyes again, he noticed how Matsumoto hadn’t touched his food yet, even though he had prepared it himself. Instead he had started swaying slightly on his chair and Sho jumped up just in time to keep him from slipping off it. He clicked his tongue in annoyance before assisting Matsumoto to the couch. After placing a blanket over his legs, he returned to the table and picked up the bowls from Matsumoto’s side, placing them on the coffee table next to the couch. “You should still eat something.” Sho handed him the bowl containing miso soup. Matsumoto hesitated before taking it and finally spoke.

“You should eat your food, I’ll be fine. I’ll get out of your hair as soon as we’re finished eating.” He took a sip from his soup while avoiding Sho’s gaze. Sho sighed and picked up his own food, settling on the other end of the couch.

“Are you sure you’d be okay on your own?” He asked, worry interlacing his voice. “I’d prefer if you rested some more before leaving.” It sounded even worse spoken out loud than in his head.

To his surprise Matsumoto looked him directly into the eyes rather than averting his gaze again. “I’ll be okay, I’ve been through worse.” The determination in his eyes told Sho that he was right, but equally sparked his worry even more.

“Still, you’re obviously sick and I don’t even know what happened yesterday in the first place.” He sighed and picked up his chopsticks again. “I don’t really care what happened, but I care if you have someone to help you.”

“I’m fine.” Matsumoto’s voice sounded strained. “I’m an adult, I can deal with a simple cold.”

Sho sighed again. He was not getting anywhere here and why did he even care that much? Matsumoto clearly didn’t want to share the reasons behind his circumstances the day prior and Sho shouldn’t even mind. Still here he was, watching Matsumoto slowly sip his soup, Sho’s favorite blanket covering his legs, wearing Sho’s old hoodie from university. If he was right Matsumoto was just slightly taller than he was but the shirt looked big on him. It seemed like their conversation was over, but after finishing his food Matsumoto closed his eyes again and soon enough fell asleep, his notions of leaving seemingly forgotten as he snuggled with Sho’s blanket.

After watching Matsumoto sleep for some time Sho decided that he was being a creep and left the room to clean up the kitchen and call Matsumoto’s work place to inform them that he’d be absent this day. He was quite glad that he knew where Matsumoto worked and had been to the café a few times before, so he also knew the owner. He should have been annoyed by being stuck with settling Matsumoto’s businesses, but to his astonishment he found that he didn’t mind. When he looked after Matsumoto about an hour later, he was still asleep, a thin sheen of sweat covering his forehead. So, his fever broke, Sho mused and smiled. Matsumoto’s face looked peaceful and before Sho knew what he was doing he had snapped a photo. He would have to hide it, but he’d treasure it equally. After all Matsumoto was still extremely attractive and exactly Sho’s type, though he would never admit so out loud.

The chime of his door rose Sho from his position at the dining table where he had been studying the newspaper. He had been supposed to meet his mother for lunch but had texted her that he was sick, hoping that she wouldn’t bother him again for the day, but as soon as the bell rang, he started to feel this sinking sensation in his stomach. From the corner of his eye he saw Matsumoto stir as he stepped into the hallway and opened the door. Sho froze.

“Sakurai-san! I hope you don’t feel too bad.” His last set-up date was smiling at him and pushed her way past him into his apartment.

“Nakata-san.” He froze. “What are you doing here?” He tried to push his body in between her and the entrance to his living room where Matsumoto was still asleep on the couch.

She beamed at him. “You mother told me you weren’t feeling well, so I wondered if you were ok on your own and decided that I should take care of you until you felt better.”

Sho now noticed the plastic bag she was carrying, filled to the brim with stuff like vegetable, jelly and sports drinks.

“I’m actually way better after I slept for an hour.” He smiled, desperately trying to hide his rising panic. What if she told his mother about the young man currently resting in his living room? What if his mother thought he was… gay? Sho froze. His family would never accept him being homosexual. Of course, he had known for some time, but they would probably disinherit him. And while his heart was crying for him to finally tell them, he knew that it would break apart his otherwise perfect family and so he dated the women his mother selected for him and acted as if he liked them until one after another they noticed something was off about him and left him, left his mother disappointed.

“I don’t want you to catch my cold.” He tried and gave a short fake cough. “What if it’s influenza?”

Scaring her away obviously didn’t help as she pushed her way further into the apartment. “I got my vaccination.”

She froze as she entered the living room. Matsumoto was currently sitting on the couch, staring at them bleary-eyed. Nakata-san turned from Matsumoto to him and back to Matsumoto. Before she could say anything, Matsumoto had started to get back up. He bowed courtly to Sho and Nakata-san.

“Thank you for letting me crash here, Sakurai-san. I have to get back to work.” And without a further word he made his way past them and left Sho standing in the hallway, staring at his back.

After shaking off his stupor Sho turned back to Nakata-san. “He got back late from drinking last night.” He explained and felt like his excuse sounded incredibly lame. But instead of starting to cuss at him or anything she smiled knowingly.

“Oh, so you weren’t actually sick but hung over. I know a great remedy for that.”

When Sho finally managed to check his phone hours later he had a single text from Nino.

_Next time you throw out Jun-pon, please call me first_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather short chapter, I hope you enjoyed it anyways. Right now work is kind of busy, so I'll see what I acn do about the next update.  
> Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Nino

During the last days a few things had changed and if he was honest, Nino didn’t like change. Though the positive changes might outweigh the bad ones Nino still grimaced at the mere thought of the last few days. If it came to his friends, things seemed to go well. Jun had made a swift recovery and while Nino was not entirely sure how, he seemed to have regained a bit of his appetite and often came to training, carrying a big bento box filled to the brim with all sorts of vegetables. The only thing that bothered Nino about Jun’s behavior was how he completely ignored Ohno-sensei when the older coach joined his and Aiba’s training sessions. Curiously Ohno didn’t seem to mind and hadn’t tried to talk to Jun at all, but directed all of his advice at Aiba. Nino knew because he had sneaked in a few times. It had also been one of these times where he met Sho hidden in the shadows of the upper stands, also watching. While he was still wary about the way Sho perceived Jun, he knew the older skater cared a great deal more than he would ever admit.

Aiba on the other hand was now moving around without crutches and only the slight limp told Nino about his injury. If he read Aiba’s longing stare at the rink correctly it was only a matter of days until he would try to skate again and if Nino was being honest, he was a little scared for him.

Coming to the bad things. Nino had fallen. It had been stupid. He should have known better. Somehow, he had thought it a good idea to train jumps at the end of the day. He had had this pain in his lower back for quite some time now, but it had increased gradually over the last days since he had missed that landing and it was starting to mess with his performance. He sometimes felt weak on his legs even before starting training. Maybe it was time to see a doctor, but he was afraid of the results and the next competition season was about to start.

So here he was, happily munching away on painkillers and not ready to admit that he had a problem. After all, solving the problems of other people was way easier than facing his own.

Right now, Jun was waiting for him in the cafeteria. With a sigh Nino swallowed the pill he had been staring at for the last minute and hoped it would kick in soon, so Jun wouldn’t notice that his movement was off. In the end he shouldn’t have bothered, because Jun was completely preoccupied with the other person who had just sat down on their table. It remained elusive to Nino how Jun was still crushing this hard on Sho when the older one had thrown him out while sick to see a girl. Nino could have sworn that Sho was gay, but then he seemed to have a new girl every week, so maybe his gay-dar was just off. He nodded his head in greeting while he sat down on a free chair and watched as Sho tried to sneak a piece of salmon from Jun’s bento-box. Jun had obviously noticed but acted as if he hadn’t. Sho, not being great at sneaking, exclaimed. “This is sooo good!” He lifted his chopsticks still holding half of the salmon and Jun grinned. He picked up a piece of salmon himself and took a small bite. Well, if it only took Sakurai Sho trying to steal his food for Jun to eat, Nino was relieved.

He winced when his behind hit the chair, sending a tingling sensation through his back and into his legs. Jun and Sho were still preoccupied with Jun’s food, so they wouldn’t have noticed, but when he looked up, he met the eye of Ohno, who was looking at him from across the room, his brow furrowed. Nino decided to just smile and lifted a hand in greeting. Ohno returned his gesture, but his face stayed in its worried state.

While Jun seemed to be getting better every day, Nino could even see him smile when no one looked, and Aiba was starting to prepare for his return to the ice, his back hurt worse every day. He should seriously go see a doctor soon, but now a mere 10 days were standing between him and the start of the skating season, so Nino ignored it and took another painkiller.

“We haven’t been out for a beer in a long time!” Aiba’s voice made him look up too fast and another wave of pain crashed down his spine.

But he couldn’t show it now, so Nino smiled and nodded.

“I guess we’ve all been busy with preparations? How is Jun’s program coming along?”

“You should see for yourself! I haven’t noticed you watching from the shadows in the last weeks.” Aiba winked at him and Nino blushed. He had thought that he was good at sneaking, but apparently Aiba had noticed. Nino just hoped that he hadn’t noticed that Nino spent more time on watching Aiba than on watching Jun. It had been the perfect excuse to just stare at Aiba and admire his beauty from afar.

“When do you have your next lesson?” He asked. Over his back pain he had lost track of Jun’s lessons.

“Tonight at 17:00.” Aiba smiled. “I’ll leave the back door unlocked.” Nino hadn’t even noticed that it was usually locked. He felt like he was losing his edge to the gnawing sensation in his lower back and hated it even more.

Without replying Nino grabbed his bag. He was going to do some stretching before the next lesson he was going to have with Ohno-sensei. Hopefully this would help with his backache. In the door he turned around again and asked. “Should we grab a drink afterwards?”

Aiba gave him the thumbs up before returning to tying his skates. His skates. Nino froze. “Since when are you back on ice?”

Aiba grinned as he noticed Nino’s astonishment. “Since today. My physiotherapist gave me the okay yesterday.”

“Well, don’t hurt yourself!” He flashed Aiba a smile and left the room, heading for the closest ballet studio.

Slowly Nino was starting to understand how Jun hadn’t cared about anything happening in Nino’s life when he had been in a bad place. He hated the pain and he hated that he rarely thought about anything else. Maybe it was time that he talked to someone about it. He was going to meet Aiba in the evening anyways.

_Do you mind if I invite Matsujun and Sho-chan?_

Nino did mind, but he would never tell Aiba so. He had been looking forward to an evening he could spend talking to Aiba and Aiba only.

_Sure. Go ahead._

Nino knew he shouldn’t drink alcohol with the number of painkillers he had been taking recently, but for now he didn’t mind.

“You were amazing!” He lifted his glass and looked Jun into the eye who blushed. “It’s all thanks to Aiba-sensei’s amazing lessons.” From the corner of his eye he could see Sho nodding, but Jun didn’t know about his secret audience, so Nino decided to leave it that way. He was still wary of how Sho regarded Jun, being a gentleman and obviously interested one moment and fucking women and throwing Jun out of his apartment the other moment.

“So, do you think you’re ready for prelims?” The preliminaries for the Japanese Nationals were starting the next weekend. As a newcomer to Japan Jun had to start at a lower level than Nino and Sho, but he didn’t seem to mind. And if Nino was being honest, he sometimes felt jealous of the low expectations placed on Jun’s shoulders. There was only up for him while Nino could lose so much. And he was going to lose if his back didn’t stop acting up. But that he would never tell the others. He was supposed to be the stable one. The un-destroyable one.

While Aiba started explaining the technical details he had included in Jun’s new program Sho had went to fetch them some more beer and snacks. Jun seemed way livelier than just a few weeks back and while Nino didn’t know how Aiba (and Sho) had achieved the change in his friend, he was oddly jealous. Especially when he smiled at Jun fondly. The only thing that hadn’t changed was how cold Jun regarded Ohno-sensei.

While Nino took a last swing from his now empty glass, he could see Sho returning, carrying a tray with beer glasses and quietly approaching Jun from behind. Before Nino could react Sho had placed the tray on top of Jun’s head and Nino was preparing to dock behind the table when the glasses went flying, but Jun just looked up and grinned, leaving Nino in awe. He knew how much his friend hated being approached from behind and had almost hit Nino, his best friend, a couple of times and here comes Sakurai Sho- and Jun doesn’t react at all. Nino was starting to feel oddly protective of his friend- who knew how Sho was messing with him and while it seemed to help Jun right now, he was not sure how his friend would survive a broken heart when Sho dropped him again.

After a few beers they were all pleasantly buzzed and the alcohol even numbed Nino’s pain. For the last half hour, they had been listening to Jun complaining over the low number of gluten free items in this pub and Sho backing him up in everything he said. Without anyone noticing he sneaked a glance at his phone that had buzzed a few seconds back and was surprised to notice a text from Aiba.

It was a link to a YouTube video and after silencing his phone Nino tapped on the link. Aiba’s sparkling eyes told him that he was hoping for Nino’s phone to start playing the song out loud, but he had underestimated him. In silence he watched the intro section to the music video of “Love is in the air” and started chuckling.

_Should we leave?_

He texted back, but before they could get up, Sho shrugged of Jun who had started to lean on him as the alcohol got the better of him.

“I need to get going.” With a gentle pat on Jun’s back he moved him so he was leaned against the wall and got up. The puppy eyed look he got from Jun made Nino and Aiba exchange a meaningful glance and when Sho had left them Jun exclaimed.

“I think I’m in love with Sakurai Sho!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe it was time to admit that he had a problem, but maybe it was already too late. The coldness from the ice he was lying on was burning on Nino’s naked arms and he didn’t know if he would be able to get up.

“Kazu?” He closed his eyes in defeat. At least it hadn’t been Aiba who found him like this. He could hear the sound of rubber soles on the ice before someone touched his shoulder. “What happened?”

Ohno looked worried and it made Nino laugh. “I’m fine. I just need a second.” But when he pushed himself upright his legs wouldn’t work properly.

Ohno was all over him while Nino was trying to get his legs to work and after a few seconds he looked up, tears shining in his eyes. “I can’t move my legs.”

The smell of urine was starting to fill the air and Nino was not sure if he had ever been this scared in his life.

And while he was lying in his own pee, Ohno had pulled out his phone.

“I need an ambulance as fast as possible.”

The ice against his cheek was pleasantly cold and Nino closed his eyes, willing reality away. It was over and he could finally rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fast update and the story is finally progressing. According to my notes I'm like 1/3 through the story I have planned out, so it might take some time for me to finish this entire thing.  
> I felt like it was time to pick up a bit of speed and push character development. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. And sorry (not) for the cliffhanger ;)  
> As always I really appreciate feedback or head over to my Twitter to talk to me! (@Outdoorsy_ars)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Ohno

If anyone had ever asked him what he expected from his job, Ohno would have told them about coaching figure skaters, helping them win titles, encourage them at their lows and celebrate their highs, choreographing, a bit of skating for himself, some emotional support at times, but he had never thought of the possibility that he might be there when people broke, careers failed, people got hurt. He had never expected to sit in an ambulance, the sirens wailing as they sped through the streets of Tokyo. He had never expected to be the one to call their friends and family. Or hold their hand.

Without noticing himself he had tightened his grip he had on Nino’s hand. Only when the other skater groaned slightly Ohno returned back to this reality and the place where he was at the moment.

He had found Nino probably about 10 minutes after he had fallen. He had only planned on putting out the lights of the empty rink before he left for the evening, but then he had noticed the lifeless figure on the ice. The moment he had started to smell the uric acid he had known that there was something seriously wrong. And when Nino had told him that he couldn’t move his legs, he had panicked inwardly while remaining calm on the outside. The ambulance had taken another 10 minutes to reach them and afraid of doing any more damage to his spine when he moved him off the ice, Ohno could only cover Nino with his jacket. He had used the extra time to call Nino’s family and tell them that- well, that Nino was injured and that he knew nothing about the extents.

“Ohno-sensei?” Nino’s voice had lost all of its snark and wit, he just sounded hurt and tired. “Could you call Aiba-kun and Jun-kun?” So Ohno had nodded and squeezed his hand in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

As soon as they reached the hospital, Nino was wheeled right into the CT scan without even getting him off the spine board he was strapped to. Ohno took a seat in the waiting area of the emergency room and took out his phone. He had never signed up for being the one bearing bad news. He would start with Aiba.

The phone rang a few times until finally Aiba answered. “Ohno-san, why are you calling?” Aiba sounded confused. Rightfully so, usually Ohno texted.

“Aiba-kun, can you come to Keio University hospital? Kazu had an accident.”

Time stood still for a few seconds as Aiba didn’t reply. “Aiba-kun?” He was met with the lonely beeping of a line having been cut. Aiba was probably already on his way to the hospital.

All what was left for him to do was call Matsumoto and he felt himself hesitate. He had talked to Matsumoto’s last coach who had told him that Matsumoto was anything but mentally stable and likely to have a relapse of his mix between eating disorder, celiac disease and anxiety if he started training again. And as if he had been right Matsumoto had reacted badly when Ohno told him that he had talked to his last coach. He was probably lucky that Aiba had volunteered right away to take care of his training, so now Ohno could keep his distance. Matsumoto was already past his prime and not likely to succeed in competitive figure skating anymore. Still, Aiba had tried and Matsumoto had not relapsed just yet, so Ohno would leave him be. While Aiba had told him about the differences between Matsumoto and his last coach as Matsumoto told the story, Ohno was not sure how to treat the young man, so he avoided him.

Now he had to call him.

He had saved the number on his phone before Matsumoto had even started training with them. If possible, he would have liked to ask Aiba to call him, but Aiba was probably completely senseless with worry right now. After hesitating for another minute Ohno finally pressed the green call button and waited for Matsumoto to answer.

“Hello?” Matsumoto sounded as if he was suspecting Ohno to say something to hurt him.

“Matsumoto-kun, it’s Ohno.” When Matsumoto didn’t reply, he continued. “Ninomiya-kun had an accident and asked me to call you to tell you.”

After a small pause Matsumoto answered. “What happened?” Though Matsumoto could not see him, Ohno shrugged. “I found him at the rink and he told me he couldn’t move his legs anymore.” Saying it out loud made it so much more real and a cold shiver ran down his spine. Surprisingly, Matsumoto sounded relatively calm as he asked. “Which hospital are you at?”

“Keio University Hospital.”

Just seconds after he had ended his phone call with Matsumoto the doors to the CT room opened and they wheeled Nino back out. Within a split second Ohno was on his feet and had pushed himself between the doctors and nurses to grab Nino’s hand. Tears were shining in his eyes as he looked up.

“It’s a herniated disc pressing down on my spine and they want to operate right away.” Nino’s voice was shaking as he was speaking. But before Ohno could reply a nurse pushed him to the side and he could only watch how Nino was wheeled deeper into the hospital. With a frustrated sigh he sat back down and looked down at his hands that had started shaking. A herniated disk. They should be able to fix that, right?

It turned out that in waiting rooms seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours. Matsumoto was the first to show up. He was breathing heavily and took a few seconds in which he sat down next to Ohno before he could speak.

“How is he?” He asked when he had caught his breath. Worry was clearly displayed on his face and for a moment Ohno wondered if he had misjudged him. To him it had seemed as if the friendship between him and Nino had been very one-sided, but here he was, looking like he was about to cry out of fear for his friend.

“He just went into emergency surgery, apparently it’s a herniated disc.” It was hard to seem calm when he didn’t know how to deal with the situation himself. Just hours ago, he had only been on his way to turn off the lights of the rink and now he was seated in the waiting area of an emergency room, fearing for one of his trainees. Aiba’s accident had been bad enough, but then he hadn’t been there and had only heard about it when Aiba was already through the worst. Now he was right in the middle of this mess and had to stay calm when no one else would. After a few seconds of silence, he turned to look at Matsumoto, not sure if he had to say something or just stay silent. Matsumoto’s face looked drawn; his lips sucked inwards to expose a mole sitting right below his lip as he typed away on his phone furiously. They stayed like this for some minutes, Ohno itching to just get up and leave. Then Matsumoto straightened his spine and turned to face Ohno again. There was something like determination in his eyes and for the first time Ohno wondered if he was actually able to pull of his return to the skating world. His voice was shaking as he spoke. “It says here that you have to operate within 12 hours, but then with the right amount of rehabilitation he should regain full use of his legs again.”

Still, he wouldn’t be in time for this year’s season and Ohno knew that Nino was still not sure on how long he would continue skating competitively. While he was good, he was not Sho-good and his body was starting to give in. He knew how Nino would feel, how much it would hurt to leave, to reshape his life. He had done it and yet it still hurt.

Before he could answer the noise of heavy footsteps made him look up. Aiba was limping slightly as he ran towards them. His face was blotchy with the tracks of dried tears and fresh ones were already shining in his eyes again. He seemed to hesitate for a second as he saw him and Matsumoto sit next to each other, but in the end cracked a loop-sided smile.

“How’s Kazu?”

It was already way past midnight when Ohno finally returned to his apartment. After spending hours at the hospital where there was constant noise his apartment sounded eerily quiet. They had only allowed one person to see Nino and Aiba had begged them to let him go. Both he and Matsumoto had agreed and when he had checked his phone on his way home, he had one message from Aiba.

_I’ll stay with Kazu tonight. Could you take my lesson with Jun for me? He will compete in just two days and I don’t want him to waste any second._

Ohno groaned. Why had he even agreed? He knew the broad outlines of the choreography Aiba and Matsumoto had created, but he was not sure if he wanted to be the one to judge it or give Matsumoto any advice when their relationship was strained like this. A small voice in his head was telling him to not judge Matsumoto before he had even seen him skate himself, but then his former coach was usually very good in his assessment of skaters. And with everything happening to Nino right now, Ohno was not sure if he wanted to coach his mentally unstable friend.

One thing Ohno despised about Aiba’s teaching style was how he allowed his trainee to start their lessons at six in the morning. He had barely slept for four hours and now he had to deal with Matsumoto who was already drawing circles on the ice. Also, Ohno was quite sure that Aiba had not told him about his change in coach for the day. Because when Matsumoto saw him, he almost faceplanted on the ice. Ohno had to give it to him- it only took him a split second to catch himself and skate over to the barrier where Ohno was waiting.

“Aiba-kun asked me to oversee your training today as he is still with Ninomiya-kun.” Matsumoto nodded courtly. “I’ll be in your care then.” Only the slight shake in his voice showed that he was not entirely comfortable.

“I take it that your program is almost finished, so why don’t you show it to me.”  
Usually he would take a different approach, but this was some kind of emergency coaching before Matsumoto had to show his program to the world.

When Matsumoto was standing in the middle of the rink, he started the music and leaned back to watch. He had seen old videos of Matsumoto skating so he knew what he was to expect.

Ohno froze. While it was still unrefined, Matsumoto looked like a different person on the ice. When in his video he had landed the jumps as if he didn’t have enough strength to even stay on his feet, he now was executing them almost perfectly. As he managed figure after figure, jump after jump he seemed to become more comfortable until he missed his footing in the last jump and landed hard on his hip. With an embarrassed smile he got up again and skated to the side to meet Ohno.

He had not been sure if Aiba was made out to coach anyone, but in his mind Ohno pulled his hat to the kid. He had never taught anyone before but here Matsumoto was. Ohno had deemed him mediocre at his best, but now he looked as if he was really in for something big. And for the first time Ohno started to wonder if Matsumoto’s former coach had done him justice. His smile probably looked strained as he finally met Matsumoto’s eye.

“Should we start with your last dive?”

Matsumoto’s smile was brighter than he had ever imagined it to be.

By the end of the lesson Matsumoto was panting heavily and was sporting a few new bruises, but Ohno was starting to feel like Aiba had not wasted his time. The program needed a few changes if Matsumoto were to use it in the Nationals, but for the preliminaries it was more than enough. And while Matsumoto had never let down his guard around him, Ohno was starting to feel that he was loosening up. Maybe there had been some truth in Aiba’s recollection of Matsumoto’s problems he had face with his last coach. According to his former coach he had slacked off, according to Aiba he had been sick and if his complexion was any indicator Matsumoto looked way healthier now than in the videos Ohno had watched. Maybe his disease had been more than a mere excuse for his bad results. Maybe Matsumoto had not been the problem in the beginning. And while Ohno was not entirely sure how to act around the young man, he was starting to see that Aiba had been right in not judging from the beginning.

“Thank you for the lesson!” Matsumoto bowed deeply before he left the rink to get changed. According to Aiba he had to cover the next shift at the coffee shop where he was working at the moment. After he had turned off the CD player, Ohno pulled out his phone to check. He had received a text from Aiba and reading it he froze. Before he knew what he was thinking, he hurried to the changing room and shoved his phone still displaying the message into Matsumoto’s perplexed face.

_Nino can move his legs!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was quite hard to write since I find Ohno the most difficult to write character. I'm sorry if I didn't do him justice! I felt like there had to be someone who actually believed the sayings of Jun's old coach. Still, Ohno is not meant to be the villain here. I hope I managed to get it across.  
> Anyways, I'm always incredibly delighted by our comments! Though I'm not one to reply, you have to know that every single one makes my day!  
> And this has been my first Arashi fic to reach 100 kudos, a fact that really honours me. I'll try to keep it up like this :)  
> If anyone feels like they want to talk about this (or make requests/suggestions) feel free to head to my Twitter :)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Aiba

When the car had hit him Aiba had been certain that he could never feel worse. He had been wrong. He’d take the accident 10 times over if that meant he wouldn’t have to sit next to Nino’s bedside and wait for him to wake up. He didn’t know much about what had happened, only what Ohno told him. The doctors we’re refusing to talk about Nino’s injuries with someone who was not family and it had taken Aiba some willpower to convince the nurses to let him stay even though visiting hours were already over. Right now, he could do nothing but watch Nino’s sleeping face. In the dim light that was entering his room from the hallway Aiba could see the deep lines etched into his face, only in this unconscious state display his exhaustion to the world. Aiba felt like he was intruding. He was almost certain that Nino would hate to see him when he woke up. Nino didn’t show weakness. When he failed at something, he hid his emotions behind a mask and Aiba had never seen it come down. And while others labelled Nino as a selfish brat, he knew that there was rarely a person more selfless than him. He had spent so much energy on building up Matsumoto and his wavering self-confidence again while training for the nationals and dealing with his own problems. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that he now had to stop and had to give in if only for a little while.

It was common within their profession- figure skaters burned and burned even brighter, shining on the ice and then the flame started dying, leaving them desperate to keep it alive until at some point they had to admit that the human body was not made for figure skating.

Behind him someone slid open the door to Nino’ room and a nurse poked her head in. She was wearing the pink uniform of a student nurse, but seemed older than her body looked as she bowed to Aiba. He wondered how many human dramas she has seen.   
“I just made coffee, do you want a cup?“ She averted her eyes and Aiba wondered if she was attracted to him or just being nice. But it didn’t matter, she was offering him comfort he hadn’t know he needed and so he nodded, getting up and carefully letting go of Nino’s hand. Following her to the nurse bay Aiba mused that hospitals were strange places at night. It felt like the time was standing still as he followed her past the rooms of all the people who were facing their own demons right now. Maybe this was the time that made nurses mature this fast- dealing with all those human fates in a time detached from all reality. She didn’t walk completely straight and Aiba wondered how many night shifts she had worked before this, how many tragedies she had experienced only this week. She poured him a cup of coffee stronger than he was used to and offered a kind smile, allowing him to thank her and return back to Nino’s bedside.  
  
The coffee had gone cold when Aiba woke up again. The light of a dawning day was drawing thin lines of light on the bed and Nino’s face. He looked at peace and Aiba sighed, taking a sip of his cold coffee. It tasted bitter, but did its deed. A ray of light was illuminating Nino’s face and his eyelids started to flutter.

Aiba would have loved to say something encouraging, or to maybe even confess his love right then and there, but he knew that Nino had enough on his plate not to force him to deal with his emotions. So he put on his brightest smile so Nino would at least see one nice thing for the day. Under his gaze Nino shifted ever so slightly and pulled his legs up a bit to adjust to his new position. Aiba shrieked in surprise and ecstasy as he saw the movement under the blanket and everything went wild. Nino tried to shift away from him and the sudden noise, almost falling out of the bed had it not been for Aiba and his quick reflexes, jumping forward and engulfing Nino in a big hug to keep him from slipping off the bed and injuring his back even further.

“What is going on?” Nino sounded wide awake as he tried to wiggle out of Aiba’s bear hug. He stopped for a split second in his movement and Aiba felt another wave of worry wash over him. Carefully he placed Nino back on the bed and backed away. He was not sure if his heart could take more of this emotional roller coaster ride.

“You just moved your legs!” Aiba gasped for Nino was still staring at him quizzically. He then slowly nodded. “I can feel them.” A wide grin split his face again and once more Aiba hugged him, this time more careful not to move his body too much.

The next hour was spent with doctors and nursed poking and prodding at Nino’s legs, turning him over to inspect the small operation wound and trying to compliment Aiba out of the room, but Nino would have none of this. A small group of students had gathered behind the professor. And when he noticed Nino’s sceptical stare, he finally explained.

“We have teaching ward round today and you are a prime example for cauda syndrome. So I’d like to show the students a few things.”

“Well then.” Nino paused and an evil grin crept up on his face. “Then Aiba-shi stays, too.”

The professor started explaining to the students what had happened and how Nino had ended up in the hospital. Aiba had chosen to ignore most of their talking as he watched Nino. Then Nino froze and asked in a small voice “Can you repeat that?” and Aiba turned around to face the professor once again, after having missed the prior part of the conversation. The professor stared at him, blinked a few times and started turning slightly red. “It is essential for neurological assessment that we test the tonus of your anal sphincter.”

“So you’re going to put a finger up my butt now?” Nino repeated to clarify. “I want the students out. Now!” Aiba was allowed to stay.

When the ward round was gone Nino turned back to Aiba and stared him square in the eye. “If you ever tell anyone about this, you’re dead!”

Only after all had settled down and Nino, still drowsy from the heavy amount of pain medication he was getting, fell into a light slumber Aiba remembered Jun and how he had asked Ohno to oversee his training. In less than 24 hours Jun would face his first competition in a long time and neither he, his coach, nor Nino, his best friend would be there. And what if Ohno’s teaching had gone completely wrong? What if Jun had started decompensating and spiralling downwards again? His life was a big mess and for a moment Aiba wondered why he was even doing all of this. He then picked up his phone to text Ohno, starting with the good news.

According to Ohno Jun was surprisingly fine albeit a little shaken and nervous about his upcoming competition. And their training had gone well. And even though Aiba trusted Ohno completely, he still felt a little protective over Jun, afraid of what all this new trauma and drama would do to him. But in the end, he could only do one thing and in determination Aiba gripped his phone as he silently left Nino’s room while the injured man was sleeping soundly.

“Sho-chan?” His voice was echoing through the eerily quiet hospital hallway as he settled against the window frame opposite to the door to Nino’s room.

“Aiba-chan, how is Nino?” Aiba froze. He had completely forgotten about telling Sho about the incidents of the prior evening. But he knew somehow, probably Ohno… or… Aiba grinned slightly.

“He’s getting there. He had regained almost all of his sensibility and motoric functions, though the doctor still declared his anal sphincter to be a bit weak.” He laughed nervously and then a bit more open when he could hear Sho cackle.

“Don’t tell him I told you that detail!” He added, panicking slightly at the thought of Nino finding out.

“I won’t.” Sho’s voice was still thick with laughter.

“Actually” Aiba continued. “I’m calling because I wanted to ask you for a favour.” He knew that Sho would agree without even knowing what Aiba would ask for, but he didn’t like asking for favours in general and his heart had picked up its pace as he gathered the courage to ask.

“Matsujun has his first competition tomorrow, but I want to stay with Nino.” He knew he was being selfish. “So I wondered if you would mind to tag along to his competition for- let’s say- moral support?” Ohno had already promised to coach Jun at the competition, but Aiba was still wary of his relationship with Jun and Sho seemed like the more sensible choice, considering their mutual pining (even though neither would ever say so).

“Sure. I was planning on watching anyways.” Why had he even bothered to ask? He had been certain Sho would go, but felt like he had to know before assuming. He should probably stop thinking in “what if”s.

“Thanks, Sho-chan! I owe you one!”

Sho laughed softly and Aiba could hear the fondness in his voice as he replied. “I’m not doing this for you. Give my best wishes to Nino.”

Around midday Nino woke up again, a bit shakier than he had been in the morning and Aiba wondered if his mind was slowly getting used to the fact that he would not skate for this season and had a long road of recovery ahead. But Nino was not the type to talk about his feelings so the first thing he said to Aiba was “You should go home, take a shower and rest.” He smiled as if he wanted to appear stronger than he looked at the moment and Aiba laughed softly. “I’ll stay. I’m not tired or anything. Just think of yourself once in a while.”

And through the cracks of Nino’s smile Aiba could see a bit of his pettiness return. “You should take a shower, you stink.”

“Oh.” Aiba froze and took a moment to sniff his own armpit as Nino turned away in played disgust. In the end he had to admit Nino was right. “You have a fully functional shower attached to your room. I could use that one!” He beamed at his great idea, but Nino shook his head, laughing slightly. “You will also need new clothes.”

“I’ll come back as soon as I showered and changed!” Aiba promised as he picked up his bag and left, turning around in the doorframe once.

“And don’t you dare miss J’s competition!” Nino hollered after him as he closed the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work is getting a bit busier, so this is a rather short chapter. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Jun

He was awake hours before his alarm would go off. It was still dark outside when Jun made his way to the kitchenette attached to his small room to prepare himself some tea and a light meal. His stomach was in nervous twists and started protesting at the mere thought of food, but Jun knew that he couldn’t not eat before his competition. He needed the energy and he was almost a bit upset with his body for not realizing.

While carefully eating spoon after spoon of the rice porridge he had prepared Jun checked his phone. He wasn’t one to spend hours on texting friends, so it came as a surprise that he had 5 unread messages, though he had not texted anyone. The first two were from his mother and sister, both wishing him luck and promising to watch his performance on television. The third message was from Aiba, apologizing in great detail for not being able to be there on his important day. Jun knew that Nino was more important for his coach, so he was fine with it, though of course he would have preferred him being there. The fourth was a text from Nino wishing him luck and telling him to crush everyone else. Not a word about his condition and it made Jun wonder if he had bad news and didn’t want him to fret.

The last text was from Sakurai and it sent his heart soaring just to read the name on his display. Even though they had exchanged phone numbers some time back, he had never texted or called him so it came as a bit of a surprise. His heart beating heavily in his chest, his fingers shaking slightly with anticipation, Jun finally opened the message and had to suppress a small laugh at the very formal way of texting with a few emojis thrown into the mix to make it seem more youthful.

_Jun-san :-D_

_I will pick you up for the competition at nine outside of your building. Please don’t forget to eat ;-)_

_Sho_

It was half past eight, so he still had a few minutes left to get ready. He had already prepacked his bag the day before, worried he might forget anything out of nervousness, so he had ample time to brush his teeth and splash on a bit of perfume. He had planned on leaving just now, so Sakurai’s unexpected text gave him a bit more time to get ready which he was really thankful for. And just thinking about the car ride to the stadium sent his heart soaring, the minutes of being able to feel Sakurai’s presence beside him.

He would get his make-up done once he was in costume, so he didn’t need to worry about it just now. His mind still stuck on the unexpected text he had gotten Jun angled for his contacts and placed on in each eye, slowly blinking to move them to the centre of his eyeball. He made another nervous trip to the toilet before finally picking up his bag, slipping on his most comfortable sneakers and closing the apartment door behind him.

Even though he was five minutes early he noticed the sleek silver car on the side of the road immediately. Sakurai was not looking up, typing away furiously on his phone, his brow furrowed. He only looked up when Jun quietly tapped on the window, hastily pocketing his phone as if he had something to hide and giving Jun a coy smile before unlocking the door. With a small nod as a greeting Jun slid into the seat next to Sho and settled on the soft cushions. The last time he had ridden this car he had been too sick to actually take note of how carefully and gently Sakurai guided it through traffic, occasionally glancing at Jun and smiling when he noticed him staring. They didn’t talk much and Jun was thankful for not having to keep up appearances. It also gave him the chance to carefully study Sakurai, hoping he wouldn't notice. His fingers, drumming softly on the steering wheel as they stood waiting at a red light, were long and slim, as if they were the fingers of a gifted pianist. He had the habit of running his thumb softly over a small dent I the steering wheel and Jun smiled when he noticed. Having Sakurai to watch almost made him forget about his upcoming competition.

The car ride ended way to soon and he found himself turning around, thanking Sakurai and parting ways to enter into the athletes’ area while the other would watch from the bleachers. Ohno was waiting for him when he had changed and finished make-up and Jun froze when he noticed that Sakurai was with him rather than on the stands like he was supposed to be. Ohno noticed his stare and smiled at him. “Meet your co-trainer for the day.”

Jun only smiled and a small part of his brain registered how ridiculous this was- having two people pose as his coach, when his actual coach wasn’t there. Before he could say anything, Sakurai had stepped forward and fixed a strand of hair that was falling across his forehead and Jun felt his cheeks go up in flame as he turned away. “I’ll go warm up.” He muttered and entered the rink, ignoring the loud beating of his heart.

Skating only momentarily calmed his nerves, but when he looked over to the side, Sakurai’s fond smile made his heart miss another beat and he lost his concentration for a second and only when someone cried out loud, he realized that he was about to collide with another skater who hadn’t been watching his path. Out of reflex Jun threw his body to the right, narrowly missing the other guy but slamming into the barrier as a result. A big cried went through the audience as he carefully pushed himself up again, the other guy hurrying over to apologize while small waves of pain washed over his right shoulder that had collided with the barrier. Sakurai, frozen in place, looked completely shocked, while a medical team hurried to Jun’s side to give him some ice for his bruises.

“I’m fine!” He brushed them off and hastily skated over to the side where Sakurai and Ohno were watching him with growing expressions of concern on their faces. Before Jun could protest Sakurai had leaned over the barrier and pulled down the shoulder part of his costume to get a look at the skin below. Jun was pretty sure a bruise would form soon enough, but for now he hated all the attention he was getting. Yanking his arm away he forced a smile on his face. “Seriously, I’m fine.”

Though in a way (he had to admit) it was a bit of Sakurai’s fault since he had distracted him. His stomach twisted at the thought and Jun once again felt his face flush in embarrassment. Damn Sakurai and his sexiness.

Just minutes later they were ushered off the ice as the competition was about to start and Jun found himself sitting on the bench, wringing his hands together as he tried to calm his frayed nerves. He was thankful that no one tried to speak to him as they watched the first three skaters. They were good, but Jun knew he could be better. Trying to calm his nerves he let his eyes wander over the audience and froze when he noticed two familiar faces. Aiba, a sly grin on his face, sat next to Nino in a wheelchair, who, when he noticed Jun’s gaze, smiled and mouthed _I made him kidnap me!_ Jun couldn’t help but chuckle and before he knew what he was thinking he elbowed Sakurai in the side and pointed up.

Then his name was called and he stepped out onto the ice, the lone occupant of the wide rink, ignoring all the static noises and introductions being made. He skated to the middle of the rink and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, concentrating on the feeling under his feet, the way his body was strung, straightening his posture just a little bit and finally opened his eyes again as the music started. After a few turns he launched into his first jump and could hear the crowd shout as he landed on his right foot, a little bit wobbly, but didn’t fall. He could feel his muscles contract to hold against the pressure and smiled slightly as they did.

A few pirouettes later he launched into his first combination, this time landing without mistake and felt his heart beat speed up at the rush of excitement. He wondered what Sakurai would say, but now was not the time to think about him. He once again concentrated on the ice below his feet, twisting and turning, executing his foot work without any problems. And the entire time he could feel HIS presence at the barriers. At the next jump he miss-stepped and caught himself with a hand on the ice, ignoring the burning feeling against his palm. In one of his turns he could see Sakurai’s face and it made his heart miss another beat, making him want to push himself.

And then it was over, he was panting hard as he came to stop in the middle of the rink and bowed. Flowers started littering the ice and Jun watched the staff skate over to collect them for him. He caught Nino’s eye who smiled and threw a single sunflower that landed not too far from him. He picked it up and grinned at his friend before turning to the side and skating over to the gate where Sakurai and Ohno were waiting for him. Ohno looked pleasantly surprised with his performance and Sakurai was grinning from one ear to the other though there was something forceful behind his smile. He took the sunflower from Jun and handed him a bouquet of daffodils. Jun felt his heart skip a beat. It had been so long that he had learned about the language of flowers, but something made his heart stir at the sight and with a timid smile he took the flowers.

After helping him place the covers over his skates Sakurai lead him over to the kiss and cry booth and took a seat next to him as if it was his place to take, his hand covering Jun’s. He still had the free skate to go for the next day, but his short program would set the foundation.

His heart was beating franticly and he concentrated on the feeling of Sakurai’s hand on his, leaning into the warmth the other provided, inhaling his calming scent.

And then the judges announced his score.

91.39

His personal best.

Jun felt his heart leap, turned, smiling at Sakurai and Sakurai was beaming, too, and finally Jun closed the distance between them, not caring about what everyone would think as he kissed Sakurai.

A few seconds passed. He could hear his own pulse in his ears, could hear the roaring of the crowd, felt the flashes of the cameras on them and saw Sakurai’s face displaying an array of emotions. And then Sakurai pulled away, his face twisting in something between regret and rage and he was gone, leaving Jun sitting there on his own, his despair crashing over him in waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me this long to update. I might take some time for the next update, too.  
> But I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have fun googling the language of flowers ;)  
> I chose the most horrible emoticons I could think of for Sho, please forgive me for that ^^"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Jun

Jun felt numb. He felt numb as he left the skating rink. He felt numb as he took the subway home. He felt numb when he climbed into the bath to wash off the sweat and all the weird feelings. He felt numb as he closed his eyes and tried to focus on the blanket covering him and not remembering Sakurai’s face. He felt numb when he opened the newspaper the next morning, noticing the headline. He felt numb as he threw up his meagre breakfast and as he made his way to the subway.

The man sitting opposite of him way reading the newspaper, the headline flashing at Jun and he pulled up his face mask to hide behind it. 

_An ill-fated kiss. Sakurai Sho engaged to marry actress Nakata Yuuko_

He had read the article. His name had been misspelled, but now reporters knew about him and about his stupid crush on Sakurai Sho. Sakurai Sho, who was marrying a woman. Jun wasn’t sure if he was angry at Sakurai for not telling him about this or if he was sorry for putting Sakurai on the spot and making the media speculate whether he was gay (which he obviously wasn’t). If there had been a hole to hide in, Jun would have done it, but he knew Aiba would be disappointed if he dropped out of the competition now, so he pushed his way through the crowd of reporters shouting their questions at him, hiding his face as well as he could and not answering a single one. The ringing in his ears drained out most of the questions anyways.

Jun wasn’t sure if Aiba or Ohno would actually show up. They had been Sakurai’s friends for years and had only gotten to know him recently. He would completely understand if they wanted nothing to do with him after he had publicly embarrassed Sakurai.

To his great surprise Aiba was waiting for him at the entrance to his dressing room, ushering him inside as soon as he had spotted Jun.

“Are you ok?”

Without answering Jun bowed down as deep as he could. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused!” He didn’t dare look up until he felt Aiba’s heavy hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but flinch at the unexpected touch, but kept his head down.

“You didn’t cause any trouble.” Aiba’s voice was gentle as he grabbed Jun’s elbow and guided him upwards so he was looking at Aiba again. “I’m sorry for how it ended yesterday.”

Aiba sounded regretful and Jun was sure he could also hear pity in his voice which made his stomach plummet once again. He hated, he despised being pitied. Nevertheless, he felt tears well up in his eyes and it took him a few breaths to calm down until he could answer. “I…” He didn’t know how to express what he was feeling and after a few seconds of silence, of Jun struggling for words, Aiba flashed him a timid smile.

“Let’s focus on today, right?”

Jun couldn’t focus on anything, but he warmed up anyways. He knew it was pathetic to act like he did, but the world had once again conspired against him. Or had it been Sakurai, luring him in and then pushing him away? Jun felt drunk on his own thoughts. The world was spinning again, spiralling. And one moment he was on his feet and the next falling. A red pain blooming across his face brought him back to reality. Suddenly he heard the desperate cries of the audience as he tried to make sense of the situation. He was sitting on the floor, the ice on his hip a very clear indication that he must have fallen. He touched his temple and when he brought his hand to his face it was covered in a sticky red liquid. A few people had assembled around him and were trying to talk to him, one guy seemed especially desperate and kept on apologizing.

Aiba was waiting for him on the side, his pupils blown wide in shock as he took Jun’s complexion in.

“Are you feeling ok? Does it hurt? Is your head fine?”

The questions made his head hurt worse than the apparent injury. Instead of answering Aiba’s questions, Jun asked. “What happened?”

“You collided with one of the other competitors. He didn’t notice you and your head hit the barrier. Seriously, are you ok? You should probably drop out of the competition.” Aiba sounded subdued as he said so and didn’t dare look at Jun while he did so. But Jun’s head was clearer than it had been before. He tried a small smile which probably looked very weird since there was blood running down his face.

“I’m fine. I’ll just get this fixed.”

When he got off the ice, he noticed his legs were shaking worse than he had expected, but he stumbled over to the paramedics. One of them offered to call an ambulance. Jun sighed in exasperation. If it was a small cut to the head he needed to snap out of his lovesick stupor, he would happily accept it. “Can I just have a Band-Aid?” He asked and swiped away some blood that was running into his eye.

The paramedics looked at each other with pained expressions on their face, until one finally spoke up. “I think you’ll need stitches.”

Minutes later Jun had been cleaned up, the cut on his temple stitched back together (it had taken them 5 stitches which they had done without local anaesthesia) and he made his way back to Aiba.

“I’m fine.” He tried a smile which made his face hurt. Good, it helped him focus on the physical pain. “We should still get you checked out at a real hospital after the competition. You hit the barrier quite forcefully.”

Aiba looked as if Jun’s injury hurt him more than Jun.

The skate went surprisingly well apart from a few minor mistakes and in a whole Jun was actually quite contempt. Maybe he should thank the skater he had collided with for clearing his head, he mused. By now a splitting headache that made his eyes water had set in, but Jun welcomed it. Thinking hurt and if this stopped him from thinking about Sakurai, that was a good thing, wasn’t it? And then he threw up into a trash can on his way to the kiss and cry booth.

Afterwards Jun didn’t remember much about the short period he spent in the kiss and cry booth. The next thing he remembered was being pushed into an ambulance, strapped to a stretcher and Aiba’s worried face as he sat down next to him. Jun felt sorry for making Aiba worry more than he felt sorry for himself. After all he had kind of earned it, hadn’t he?

The next hours was a flurry of tests until finally a doctor explained to him that he would have to stay in hospital for at least 24 hours. Sadly, though, he ended up on a different ward than Nino. In respect for his privacy they had placed him in a single room and finally Jun closed his eyes, letting the pain swallow him up and drain out the thoughts of Sakurai. When he opened his eyes again there was someone sitting it the corner of his room and Jun wasn’t entirely sure if he was hallucinating as the person got up and moved closer to him. For a split second he expected Sakurai, but it was a woman.

Sho

The night after his engagement Sho had sex with Nakata-san. It wasn’t the most pleasurable affair, but when imagined hard enough that it was Matsumoto he was fucking, it took the edge of it a bit. But scared to call out the wrong name he didn’t say a word while pounding into the woman who was moaning in something between pleasure and pain. When they were done, he took a long shower, trying to wash away her sweat on his body. When he got back to bed, she was sitting up against the headboard, watching him closely. They didn’t speak, there was nothing to talk about.

The next morning, he got up before she was awake and left to train in the deserted rink (everyone else was at the competition). He avoided every TV he could, afraid of catching a glimpse of Matsumoto.

After Matsumoto had kissed him, he hadn’t known what to do. Just hours before his mother had confronted him with the fact that he would marry Nakata, no matter whether he wanted to or not. And so, he fled. He was supposed to head over to a press conference, announcing his engagement to the world, but he drove around for hours before ready to face his family, the kiss still lingering on his lips, reminding him of what he couldn’t have. By then the press conference was long over and Sho engaged without even giving her the ring. His mother had done so for him.

When he got back after training, Nakata-san was gone, the ring placed on the kitchen table, a folded piece of paper next to it.

Jun

“My name is Nakata Yuuko, I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.” She sat down by his bedside and bowed her head slightly. Jun didn’t answer, what was he supposed to say to the bride of his lost love? Was she here to feed on his pain?

Her next words made him speechless. “I will not marry Sakurai Sho.”

“Why?” The question had left his lips before he could stop himself.

To his surprise tears welled up in her eyes and she turned away before answering. “I know Sakurai-san’s mother asked me to marry him, but I am not sure if I can do that to myself, when he clearly loves someone else.”

Before Jun could answer, she got up and bowed slightly. “Please keep him in your favour.” And with her skirts blowing behind her she fled from his room. Jun shook his head, wincing at the pain. What a weird dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is this short and maybe not my best piece of work. I'm sorry it took me this long. I lost my job a few weeks back and though I'll start a way cooler one in November, that kind of thing still leaves traces. So I hope you forgive me for taking this long and such...

**Author's Note:**

> After not finding much motivation to write this idea struck me when biking home from work. There is a serious lack of sports AUs in this fandom and I just couldn't resist. My knowledge on figure skating is limited to watching a few Olympics, Yuri on Ice and my google skills. As I'll be writing after work it might take some time to update, but I hope you enjoy this fanfic! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated ♡


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